“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu
We don’t actually have possessions in this world. We acquire things throughout our life, all of which degrade or get passed down from generation to generation, but we don’t really have possessions.
When we die, we cannot take any of them with us, especially our money. We can try to control as many things as we want in life, but the only thing we truly own and the only thing we can truly control is our perspective, and if you haven't heard, Perspective is a Motherf ****.
Perspective is what drives humanity. Perspectives create relationships and cause war. Most importantly, perspective can improve or weaken our relationship with ourselves. Perspective is the single most important thing that empowers you because the way you adapt to life largely depends on your perspective.
Most of the things we want in life are desired because our perspective tells us we should have these things, all of which are based entirely on the ego. We want to win an argument because our ego wants to feel better than the other person or it is afraid to look stupid, and we fail to honestly re-examine our perspective of the conflict. If we lose our job, car, or home, our ego feels the loss of something it was attached to. We begin to feel inadequate and embarrassed because we have fallen below the accepted perspective of what an accomplished member of society is. The ego and its attachments once again stop us from re-examining our perspective.
For example, some of us grow up being told from a very young age that we should be doctors when we grow up because that is one of the guaranteed ways to become successful. We, therefore, invest a lot of time and energy into this pursuit and our world is destroyed if we fall short and don’t get into medical school. The ego feels like it is not good enough or worthy. Not good enough for who? Mom and Dad? Society? Who told you that you had to be a doctor? Did you ever explore and consider what it is that you truly want to do with your life? Did you want to be a doctor because you love it or did you want to be a doctor because it makes a lot of money? Were you attracted to the prestige that comes with being a doctor because your strict parents planted that idea in you when you were really young? Has your perspective been constructed by the competition of trying to get into the top Ivy League schools, and now a rejection letter is the straw that broke the camel’s back?
When something bad happens to us, we feel like we are the victim because the ego has lost or wasn’t able to acquire something it was attached to.
Most of our problems are trivial. I say most because I don’t want to write off every challenge the human condition faces as something that a simple shift in perspective could fix. There are people out there suffering from terrible diseases, injuries, and conditions that we can’t even imagine. Even in the worst circumstances in life, if you are on the path, it is an opportunity for you to re-evaluate your priorities of what really matters to you. Aside from people who are facing the horrible aspects of reality, those who are caught up in trivial circumstances require less to bounce back on their feet with a change in perspective. We live in a day and age where first world problems run rampant and a large portion of society has become fixated on a false sense of identity.
When something bad happens you should ask yourself:
Are you alive? – Yes
Are you now wiser from this experience than you were before? – Yes
Does this wisdom add any value to your strengths moving forward? – Yes
What will other people think of your failure, will their opinion of you change, will it truly help you on the journey you're on?
Maybe it is time to let go of fair-weather friends in your life. Maybe this will be a time for you to see how much your circle of influence cares about you. Nobody owes you anything, but you shouldn’t waste your time with people who abandon you when you no longer fit their perspective of an ideal friend.
On the back end of it, maybe it was something you did out of ignorance and your former friends made a good call to not associate with you anymore. Maybe it’s time for you to re-evaluate your behavior and why it may be repulsive to your loved ones who once tried showing you they cared for you.
Your ability to let go of trivial attachments determines your ability to roll with the punches and keep fighting the good fight. Life can beat you down at times and your perspective of being a victim or a victor of the challenge has a profound impact on your self-worth. Even when you fail at something in life, you are perceiving it as a failure because you are attached to the success of that outcome. If you didn’t get into your dream college or land your dream job, or if a business deal fell through or relationship didn’t work (or you otherwise dropped the ball on something important, etc.), it is you who is processing this event as a bad experience. Reality is indifferent; it just happens, and human beings are the only ones who judge whether a situation is good or bad.
You should not focus on fear and loss and allow that to navigate the trajectory of your future.
We forget that bad experiences can also be blessings. Wise people grow from the most unfortunate circumstances. Sometimes these situations show you that you are not meant to be doing this, and you should move on to what you are destined to do. It could mean that it’s not the right time, or it could be that you are doing what you are passionate about and destined for, but you needed that bad experience to show you your errors.
Many people would think that this type of wishful thinking is bullsh*t. Why would anyone want to live life if they lose everything? The question is, why would we want to live life caged by our attachments?
