I have seen time and time again, articles all online, that explain how our generation is the generation that doesn't want commitment. But in my personal opinion, is that honestly such a bad thing for some people? In my lifetime, I have not only grown to fear the idea of commitment itself, but I have accepted the fear as well. For me, everyone who has always said they would be there hasn't.
They chose to walk out the door when they decided they couldn't handle it anymore. I kept asking myself every time "Why does everyone just leave me? Am I good enough? Why does no one choose to stay?". I choose to not commit to commitment because I refuse to be hurt. I refuse to not be happy. I refuse to be stuck in a situation that will make me unhappy. I refuse to go through the same vicious cycle that damages me and tears me apart, emotionally and physically. Some of my readers may not agree with me on this subject. That is totally fine. However, if you ever feel like you're not normal for not wanting commitment, don't. It is completely natural. It is completely okay. You are your own person. You need to do what makes you happy, and not anyone else.
Another reason I feared commitment, is that I have always hated being tied down. I just imagine my life as being one giant adventure where I can choose my own destiny, and travel, and learn new things. I dropped out of college right after high school.
After that, I struggled for three years trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I juggled multiple jobs that I didn't stay at very long because I didn't like it. I hated how some of them changed me. Three years later, I now juggle school, work, and a social life. I finally learned more about myself and my soul and who I truly am, and what path I want to take. And finally, the biggest cause of all for my fear of commitment: I have wanted nothing more than a stable life, a stable family, a stable job, a stable home, yet I fear that once I finally have those things that I will lose them.
I won't know how to function. I have never really had anything stable in my life. I never had one childhood home, my family and I grew up always fighting, etc. I would love nothing more than to build a life with someone I am madly in love with, and have a successful career, and have a nice big family, and a giant house. Yet my anxiety becomes really bad whenever I think about all of these things. I just don't want to get all these things I secretly want, only to lose everything. That would absolutely destroy me.
Therefore, I choose to play it completely safe: by avoiding everything I want all together, in order to protect myself and my feelings, with the walls I constantly build up around myself. Because I don't want to tear down my walls, and pour my heart and soul out, only to get hurt.
