We've all been in that awkward position where we want to describe someone, but don't want to be offensive. That black person. That lesbian chick. That autistic kid. There aren't many of us who can confidently say we have never labeled another person. It is just part of our nature to put people into categories. However, it is important to be aware of this tendency and to pay attention to how your labels might affect other people.
Person-first language has become one of the many ones to stay politically correct. With autism, this has become a heavily debated matter. What is the difference between saying an autistic person vs. a person with autism? Person-first language (person with autism) puts the person as the main subject and their condition as secondary. Saying someone is autistic may make it seem like their condition is the only important thing about them, when obviously there is so much more.
However, some of the people in the autism community are fighting back. They say that person-first language is making minimizing their condition to be not as serious or not as big of piece of their identity as it may be. To me, this seems to almost be parallel to physical disabilities. A person may look away to avoid staring, but sometimes that can be even more obvious. Perhaps person-first language is similar. Are we darting our eyes away from the truth in order to protect others?
This is an issue I have struggled with, but here is what I have decided: it depends on the person. Many people with autism do not have the ability to communicate for themselves. In these cases, I feel that person-first language is more appropriate. Accepting a label should be a deliberate decision that you consent to. If a person is unable to make that choice, I think it is safer to assume that they are a person with autism. They may not see themselves as autistic. They just see themselves as John, or Sarah, or Kevin. They are more than their condition, and accepting the label of autistic may inhibit their personal identity and personhood. If an autistic person decides they want to embrace that label, for whatever reason, then they by all means should be allowed to do so. If a person identifies with their autism and wants it to be a major part of their identity then I see no harm in that. Embracing the parts of yourself that define you is not unique to those with autism. Some people may call themselves an athlete, a nerd, an introvert. We label ourselves all the time, and sometimes we are proud, not ashamed, of the things that label us. If your not sure which to use, my best advice would be to just ask. You'll learn a lot more about a person through words than by studying them from afar.
Perhaps a label is an extension of your name. You may not like your name, but for the most part, you're stuck with it. Some people may choose to go by a nickname that they like better. It is more comforting to them. Others may hate nicknames and just want to be called the name they were born with. Why be called Will when your name is William? Others do not care either way, but it is important to ask.
Being politically correct is tough. Some see it as a way of reducing stigma and others view it as turning a blind eye to the truth.
Even if a condition is a big part of your identity, you are still you. You deserved to be loved for you. Acceptance and love are the bottom lines, not what you call a person.
