This has been a tough year. I've had the times of my life but I've also had a lot of low points. Your early twenties are a confusing age. You are trying to figure out who you are and what you stand for. I feel like I'm constantly going back and forth on what I want and what I want to pursue. The other day I think I came to a conclusion: I'm lost. I've been feeling lost for awhile now. I don't have it all together. I'm at a standstill and it sucks. It sucks not knowing where you want to go next. What I'm learning about all of this is that it's okay to be feel lost.

I think you feel like you're the only one in the world that feels this way but that's just simply not true. Everyone gets lost at one point in their lives and no one ever has it all together. We all put on a brave face all the time and try to make our lives seem more interesting as possible. I don't think social media helps with that. It may seem like someone is always doing something fun and exciting but that's just what they chose to show you. I once heard a quote about how you shouldn't judge someone based on their social media because that's just the highlight reel of their life. You don't see that sometimes they cry themselves to sleep, are dealing with the loss of a relationship, or maybe depressed. We all go through ups and downs.

I like to use humor as a coping mechanism in any bad situation. It's just simply how I survive. When I take life too seriously, I get anxious and sad so I need to find some kind of humor it. At times, I can make jokes at inappropriate times but, I mean well. When you're laughing, you aren't thinking about the sad things in your life. I also like to make other people laugh as well. It's literally my favorite thing in the world. If I can make you smile or laugh even after you're having a bad day, my job is done. Same goes for other people. I've learned to surround myself with people that make me laugh even when I'm desperately struggling.

I don't think it helps when you're struggling with grief as well. Sometimes, grief hits you like a brick wall and I can feel my heart breaking in my chest. It only takes one little thing to remind you of it and then it comes crippling in. I've struggled to learn how to live without my brother. It's like a hole in my heart is missing and I'm desperately trying to fill it again. I think you just need to learn how to live with that hole. As much as it sucks, you just have to.

If you're feeling lost, don't panic. You won't be lost forever, you will find your path again. It's all a part of the human experience. That's why there's so much art, films, and music about it. It happens to everyone. You need to try your best to find your way back. You need to keep fighting, you can't let it win. You need to continue living your life. That's how you'll find your way because one day you're going to wake up and you'll realize that you aren't lost anymore. I'm looking forward to that day. I hope you are too.