You don't have to be a selfish person to make selfish choices. Some of the most genuinely kind people occasionally disregard the ways in which their decisions affect those around them. They choose to value self-preservation over compassion; it is a natural human instinct. However, it is frustrating nonetheless for those who are forced to endure the heavy weight of consequence.
The compassionate person is often the one who takes the larger hit simply to support the self-preservation of another. They put aside their own personal pain, confusion, sadness, feelings of rejection, and any additional emotions they experience in order to ease the other person's burden. Selfless people see their emotions as unnecessary stress for outsiders. As a result, they conceal their negativity and close themselves off. Sometimes they explode, but they always apologize for their outbursts. Their loved ones are fooled into thinking that everything is as it should be, meanwhile the compassionate individual slowly grows weaker on the inside. Strength is one of their most notable qualities, but it is also an allusion to others.
The position that compassionate individuals place themselves in is not fair, especially if they're made to feel like it is their only option. When your decisions cause others to retreat into themselves, then it may be helpful to reconsider your actions. There are people who love and care about you, by refusing to acknowledge their pain, you are hindering your support network. The more you accidentally push them away, the more they will resent you without realizing it. You put distance where there was none before. While your short term intentions may be justified, it is the long term affects that will inflict the most damage. Just because someone doesn't outwardly express their emotions, doesn't mean that they're not lurking behind the surface. Just because someone says they're OK, doesn't mean that they actually are; they may only be trying to protect you and increase your quality of life.
A compassionate person is very complex. While they fully understand that it is unhealthy for their interactions with others to partially determine their self-worth, sometimes they rely too much on reciprocation, loyalty, empathy, and acknowledgment. If any of these attributes are lacking in their relationships, they begin to doubt themselves. They begin to question what they have done wrong, the value of certain words. When a compassionate person is blindsided or betrayed, they may wonder if they were ever good enough in the first place. This feeling of pent-up anxiety increases the longer they are ignored, the longer they isolate themselves.
If you want to break a compassionate person out of their self-destructive shell, there are only three things you need to do: listen, open your mind, and think. Listening is a skill that we all need to practice more. Talking is typically easier, which is why many people naturally gravitate towards it. Listening requires more flexibility, understanding of concepts beyond your own mind, and patience. Talking emphasizes your point of view, but listening provides you with a whole new perspective. New perspectives give way to a much more open and well-rounded mind. Your belief system is made to be slightly altered or changed entirely. If you always shy away from different opinions, your own opinion will never be as developed and relevant. Thoughts themselves are simple when taken literally, but there are different degrees to which someone can utilize them. Selfish thoughts may be logical and practical, but they will never be truly wise or realistic without the representation of the outside world, interpersonal connections, and Active repercussions. If you care about someone, you have to consider how you think, how they think, and how you think together. That is the basic root of compassion.
While it is a compassionate person's job to enhance their self-confidence, resilience, and overall strength, they should never have to do it alone. They should never have to fight through situations that defy their right to happiness. You will never meet people who are more caring, open-minded, determined, and patient. That being said, don't take advantage of those qualities. Don't give them up unless you absolutely have to. Preservation is important, but if you try hard enough, you can usually discover a healthier alternative than abandoning a situation altogether. Don't turn your back on the people who have always guarded it. Love and respect yourself, but don't forget about the people who love and respect you too.