For any dudes reading this, here's a not so secretive secret: getting your period sucks – it sucks even more than getting blue balled. I mean, can you even try to imagine passing blood through your penis once a month while trying to remain cool and collected as though your increased emotional sensitivity, aching back, and messed up bowel movements don't bother you at all? The only women who actually welcome Aunt Flow with open arms every month are those who need a wave of relief that they, yet again, avoided an unwanted pregnancy.
For those who are lucky enough to have escaped the menstrual cycle—*cough* prebuscent teen girls and men *cough* but also some women who will never have their period and in that case it is pretty sad and shouldn't be made fun of *cough*—Buffy the Vampire Slayer gives a small glimpse into what Mother Nature's monthly gift is like.
When you see that red spot on your white underwear the day before your big date:
When the period farts begin and you weren't prepared for how smelly they would be:
When you start getting emotional because you ran out of avocados and have nothing to put on your toast:
And then you watch a bunch of videos of babies eating lemons for the first time on YouTube which normally cheers you up, but all you can think about is how you wish you were a baby eating a lemon instead of taking Motrin for your cramps because you're a young adult woman who menstruates and have no idea where your life is going, and please, for the love of god, can someone just give you a hug and a bar of chocolate?
When a guy asks you if it's "your time of the month."
And then you remember that guys don't have a menstrual cycle and will never have to experience what it feels like to bleed out of their genitals once a month, nonetheless endure labor, and sexism —which is extremely still prevalent in American society — and why can't everyone just be female?
When you break out in two symmetrical pimples on your cheeks (at least they're symmetrical because everyone knows that symmetry = beauty), and wear sweatpants because you're so bloated that even your jeggings don't fit:
When your booty call doesn't want to bone because you're on your period but your hormones are raging and you read a Cosmo article that said having sex on your period relieves cramps:
So you try to seduce him:
And you finally convince him you're "just spotting"
When he realized you lied and his sheets are stained, but you regret nothing:
And then you go home and stuff your face with chocolate because the only good thing about getting your period is that overeating comfort food during the seven days of menstruation has become socially justified —not that you've ever needed to justify eating an entire Cinnabon to the face while sitting in the bathroom stall of work during your second lunch break on a Wednesday.
