As Donald Trump, your future dictator of the United States, I’d love to give you losers some advice for the summer. Many people ask me how I can achieve such a perfect tan, and well, I believe it’s time for some charity work.
First, when you’re looking for sunscreen, tanning lotion, or indoor tanning lotion, make sure you purchase one that was made in the USA. We need to “Make America Great Again”, and it first starts with purchasing American-made goods and services rather than funding other countries to do so for us. If they want something from us, we’ll give them back their immigrants who’ve entered into America illegally. So, read the labels and do your research to find the best lotion for you!
Second, there is no time limit when it comes to tanning. Do your day job, but get outside as much as possible. Pay for an indoor tanning membership as well, or you can sign up for a black card at Planet Fitness. This way you can do some cardio and squats so when you finally achieve a perfect tan, like I have, you’ll have a decent body to go with it.
Lastly, the tanner you are, the more ignorant you can be. You can go ahead and yell at people who still tweet about Bernie or crooked Hillary, it’s absolutely acceptable. You can basically do whatever you want because you're tan. The only thing you shouldn’t do is go darker than a radiant orange–use my perfect skin tone as an indicator. If you go darker than me, you’re just going to look like a loser who doesn't know how to properly tan. So, don’t be that guy, otherwise, I’ll point you out and make everyone boo you at my rallies.
So the summary is, purchase only American-made lotions. Your job comes first (I don’t believe in handouts in life) and tanning comes second. Only buy tanning memberships from Americans or legal immigrants. Use deals like ones Planet Fitness offers so you’re not a fat, pale loser. With great success, you’ll only be just a loser. And use my perfect skin tone as an indicator of the acceptable tan level you should be at!Don't forget to vote for the tan candidate and not the crooked one!!
