Martin Luther King Jr. Didn’t Need A Dream, He Needed A Pepsi
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Martin Luther King Jr. Didn’t Need A Dream, He Needed A Pepsi

"Thank Pepsi & Kendall, we are free at last!”

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Martin Luther King Jr. Didn’t Need A Dream, He Needed A Pepsi
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I say to you today, my consumers, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a Pepsi. It is a beverage thoroughly stocked in the American convenience stores.

I have a dream that one day this white race will rise up and live out the true naivety of its corporations: “We hold this advertisement to be self-evident: that all white rich execs are created racist.”

I have a dream that one day on the black cans of Pepsi Zero, the silver/white cans of Diet Pepsi and the blue of gluttonous calorie drinkers will be able to freeze together in the ice bucket of a Hollywood backlot protest.

I have a dream that one day even the drinkers of Coca-Cola, a beverage bubbling with the flavor of superiority, dripping with hoards of GMO's, will be transformed into an advertisement of racism and superficiality.

I have a dream that my three variations of Pepsi will one day be drunk in a grocery store where they will not be purchased by the color of their can but by the calories (or lack of) of their flavor.

I have a Pepsi today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Pepsico, with its white racists, with its star actress having her lips dripping with the color of matte purple and Kylie Cosmetics; one day right there in Hollywood, big white corporations and casting agents will be able to join wealth with one pretty face and few multiracial actors as superior and inferior.

I have a Pepsi today.

I have a dream that one day every Pepsi soda shall be exalted, every protestor and poster shall be made artificial, the competing corporations will be made plain, and the crooked Kardashians/Jenners will be made straight, and the glory of PEPSI shall be revealed, and all consumers shall see it together.

This is our brand. This is the beverage that I go back to the boardroom with. With this beverage, we will be able to hew out of the fridge of the corner store a can of hope. With this beverage, we will be able to transform the Coca-Cola consumers of our nation into gluttonous consumers of Pepsico. With this beverage, we will be able to carbonate together, to get diabetes together, to diet together, to go to 7/11 together, to stand up for Pepsi together, knowing that Kendall Jenner will solve racism one day.

This will be the day when all of Kendall's robots will be able to drink with a new flavor, “My Pepsi, ‘tis of thee, sweet taste of calories, of thee I drink. Land where racism dies, land of the plastic pride, from every white man's side, let corporations ring.”

And if Pepsi is to be a great beverage this must become true. So let corporations ring from the prodigious boardrooms of white privilege. Let corporations ring from the mighty greed of Wall Street. Let corporations ring from the heightening stupidity of Hollywood!

Let Kendall ring from the predominantly white crowd of protestors!

Let Kendall ring from her seductive gesture to mall cops!

But not only that; let Kendall ring from the grandiose exploitation of women!

Let Kendall ring from staged protests of Hollywood back lots!

Let Kendall ring from every dollar and cent of her contract. From every Hollywood set, let Kendall ring.

And when this happens, when we allow Kendall to ring, when we let her strut from every take and every cut, from every angle and every touch up, we will be able to speed up that day when all of Kendall's agents, white men and more white men, white Catholics and white Jews, white Christians and white Atheists, will be able to join cans and drink in the lies of the cold carbonated beverage, “Free at last! free at last! Thank Pepsi & Kendall, we are free at last!”

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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