One of my dad's favorite stories to tell is of me around age 4. One of his client's daughters played on the high school basketball team and so he and I would have daddy-daughter dates to watch her games. He had another client who's son played basketball as well, so eventually, we went to one of those as well. Well, when the boys ran out onto the court to warm up, I turned to my dad, and as young children have a habit of doing, I said rather loudly, "Dada, I didn't know boys could play basketball!"
My relationship with feminism has always been rather complex. I was raised to believe girls could do anything boys could do but also saw the benefits of traditional gender roles lived out in my family. Somewhere around age 7 I decided I wanted to live on a ranch, so my mom suggested that I should attend UC Davis, and maybe I would marry a rancher. I indignantly told my mom that I didn't want to marry a rancher, I was going to be a rancher. As I grew older I realized that she wasn't suggesting that I marry a rancher because I was incapable of being the rancher, but that it's difficult to have the capital needed to purchase a ranch right out of college.
Growing up, I saw beautiful examples of Christian women who honored their husbands and fulfilled the traditional gender roles. As I came into high school and college, I was told by the media, by other young women, by books, and educational systems that women in America are not valued and traditional gender roles are oppressive. I struggled to figure out why people thought this.
What I've come to see is that I was blessed to grow up in a family where everyone is respected. As a child, I wasn't treated like I couldn't think for myself. I was raised to respect authority, but that it was okay to ask questions to understand things for myself. My parents believed that if I understood why they were telling me to do certain things, I would be more willing to comply and would make better decisions as I gained the opportunity to make decisions for myself. (You'll have to check with them to see if that was true.) I saw my parents making decisions together, valuing each other's opinions.
I think the key to equality is making everyone feel respected. In my family, everyone was respected, regardless of age or gender. Respect for everyone meant that having different roles didn't make anyone have a lesser worth than another. In a household, there are a number of tasks that must be performed in order to make it run smoothly. All of the tasks are important, and just as a chain is only takes one broken link to not work, not having any one task done well makes the household not run smoothly.
Women and men can do different jobs and still be equally important. In fact, I would argue that having different jobs helps women and men to appreciate the differences, the things that make each of them unique. Just because I am capable of doing something doesn't mean I need to do it. "Because I can!" is a reason impetuous teenagers and toddlers use for doing something, it really isn't fitting for a mature adult.
I'm not saying that it isn't okay for women to do things that are traditionally men's responsibility, but that both sets of responsibilities are important and we don't need to bash traditional gender roles in order for everyone to feel respected.
