Well, here we are. I just want to start out apologizing for the reasons that you have not to like me. I really wish that as a community, we communicated our issues with each other more openly so I wouldn't have to find out the negative things being said about me through others. In my experience, I don't even realize that I'm doing the things I am doing to make people, not like me, but if I were to know the issues, they have with me, I would be able to change. Instead, I find out that people don't like me, and I just shut down.

I find myself not talking to anyone and going to all of my classes feeling uncomfortable to be there because I know that the people there don't want me to be. But you guys have to realize that you don't understand me. You didn't even try to get to know me or understand me. You have all had issues with me since you met me. You don't know what I've been through and why I'm constantly trying to build myself up.

I get that you guys don't like me, but you have to realize that I don't like myself very much, either.

Me being "full of myself" is me trying to relate to people. I grew up in a competition studio where we worked hard for our opportunities and congratulated each other for them. We would sit down and talk to each other about the experiences that we had and always intently listen to what this person had learned from the experience. I am always so excited for everyone around me when they get opportunities and I am proud of the people that I know. I feel that their experiences and what they have learned are something that they can pass down to the people who weren't so fortunate to get the same opportunity. I don't understand why I can't receive the same support that I give each and every person. How is that fair?

You always say that the department is a family, but you don't treat it like one, at least not to me. I feel like an outsider in all of the classes that I take. I tend to sit away in most or find myself talking to the few people who actually know me and know what I'm going through. I always have the same three partners because if not, I'll be with someone that I know will have something to say later and that is the worst feeling in the world. Going through my life, dealing with all the things that I already have to go through and not having the support system I think I do is so hard.

Half the time I feel so alone because of my isolation that I don't even want to get out of bed. This is why I seek friends outside of the department, which is another reason some don't like me. I understand that I can't make everyone happy but to go to classes and feel unwelcome in a place that is supposed to be a safe space, destroys me. It's hard, but I'm not going to let it deter me anymore from doing my best. This art form that I have used to get away from all the negativity in my life seems to be something that hasn't been able to do that for me lately because of the negativity surrounding it. I want my love of the release dance gave me back.

I'm tired of letting people's opinions trying to make me into this person that I hate even more. I tired of feeling as though am letting people turn me into this person I don't want to be. You've all turned me into this person who isn't confident, who doesn't love themselves and who wants to be invisible. I just want you all to know that this is a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You guys are only pushing me further and further into this hole that I am struggling so hard to get out of. This is a letter to tell you that I'm done with your negativity and I'm done trying to impress you and get you to like me.