“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” - John Greene, Looking for Alaska
To the People I’ve Left Behind,
I wish you the best in your endeavors that you shall succeed in your future. I hope you accomplish your goals and meet your dreams. If we one day encounter each other again, I hope to see your eyes shining with joy, and your mouth caressing a wide grin.
Some of you have been easy to leave, and others not so much, but regardless of who you are or why we no longer speak, I do not wish you ill. I don’t know if karma is real, but I do know that nothing good comes out of treating people with hate. Sometimes we outgrow people; other times, they outgrow us. Both are a normal part of life, a necessary part of living, for as we go on in life, others go on too. And, as we go our separate ways, some of us leave, and some of us stay. I’m usually the one leaving, but I’d be lying if I told you I was sad to go.
Of course, I miss the good times, but I sure as hell don’t miss the bad ones. The fights, the tears, the years of discomfort, the angry words, the wordy excuses. I don’t miss feeling hurt, misunderstood, or unappreciated. I don’t miss feeling as if I’ve hurt you. I don’t miss feeling as if I was moving backwards. I don’t miss feeling lonely in a room of people I know, or feeling internally on fire and externally frozen. I don’t miss feeling as if I couldn't speak my mind because I was afraid of what you would think. I don’t miss a single one of you.
I have yet to understand why some of you continue to hang out with your high school friends, or why you still fool around like you’re a child, but expect to be treated as an adult. I don’t know how you expect there to be growth in your life if you never, ever do anything new or different. Why do you fear moving forward so much? Why are you scared of driving on the highway? Why are you terrified of places you've never been? Why don’t you talk to new people instead of talking about them?
You should know that I didn’t leave because I didn’t understand. I left because I tried to understand, but you refused to even bother explaining. I left because even when you tried to give a jumbled explanation, it sounded more like excuses than exposition. I left because I didn’t need you after all. I left because you wouldn’t give me the time of day, but would yell because I was late. I left because I found my watch. I left because I had to steal it back from you.
Oddly as I’m writing these things about you, I’m thinking about how familiar it all sounds. Maybe the person I really left behind was me.
