To the people who have made me cry,
Thank you. I know this isn’t what you’re supposed to say when people have done something of such magnitude which makes you cry, but thank you.
The boy in elementary school who called me a caveman because I had hairy legs: thank you. I was having a great time out at recess playing four square, kickball, and swinging on the monkey bars. We were lining back up to go inside and that’s when you said it. “Ew. You’re legs are so hairy you’re like a caveman!” Even though I was in fourth grade, and I had no idea what being a woman meant or what it entailed, you set my growth in motion. Some may say I was too young, or that you were cruel to make fun of a young girl for her natural body, but you were the first person to show my the cruelness of the world. Yes, I started shaving my legs after that. But, hey, I’d have a lifetime to of it so why not start early?
To my first “best friend” that turned her back on me: thank you. We were in middle school, which is a rough time as it is with the “awkward stages” and the struggle to find who you really are. You turning your back on me only made it a little bit harder. You were the first person who I would have done anything for, and you found new friends and left me behind. You started spreading rumors about me and had every other pubescent girl in our grade looking at me differently, because rumors were always true, right? But, you were also the first person who forced me to stand up for myself. You taught me some people are just better left in the past.
To my first heartbreak: thank you. Entering high school was the biggest deal to me. New faces, new hallways, new teachers, high school sports, a “new me.” It’s the start to some of “the best years of your life.” Then I saw you. Everybody knew you; you were a star player on the football team. Who ever thought you could like me? But hey, you did, and we were great together. I thought you would be my future. You were the football star and I was the freshman who was really good at soccer. I thought we’d be high school sweethearts who would take on the world together. I did anything for you, and would have done anything to keep you. It just wasn’t enough. I’ve never felt anything like that pain and I don’t think I ever will. You only lose your first love once. You showed me I was strong enough to pick myself up and keep going. You made me independent.
To the college coach who took away my scholarship: thank you. Getting told in January of your senior year that your soccer scholarship will not be honored anymore due to a coaching change is enough to send you spiraling. I started questioning my ability as a soccer player. I started questioning if even trying to still play soccer in college was worth it. I started panicking, because I hadn’t applied to any other schools since I was already committed. I was in a funk for the next two months. I gained 25 pounds and weighed the heaviest of my life. You gave me no option but to keep pushing through the hard times if I wanted to still play in college. You taught me that as long as I do everything in my power that I can, everything will work out. You gave me drive to prove you wrong; that I was good enough to play in college, that you missed out on a great player. I lost the weight, I got stronger, I did everything I could to get recruited again. You were the reason I got a Division 1 soccer scholarship. You are the reason I am at a great university, at an even better institution than yours, on an even better soccer team.
To all the people who have made me cry, you made me stronger. You are the emotional scars I carry around every day of my life. No, I don’t think about you or what you did every day. But, when I am feeling low and like I can’t go on anymore, I think of you and keep going. Thank you.
