It's Time To Settle The Most Important Debate Of Mankind, Michael Scott Style

It's Time To Settle The Most Important Debate Of Mankind, Michael Scott Style

This debate has torn families apart. It's time we settle this.

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Since the dawn of time, there has been a violent debate that has not even come close to ending. Especially in the year 2019, this debate has grown so much. Issues have arisen. Tensions have flared, families have been torn apart, and Thanksgiving dinner has turned awkward. I think you all know what I'm talking about.

The debate on pens versus pencils.

Now we're going to unleash our inner Michael Scott and take a look at this controversial matter cage match style.

Now we're going to be taking a look at this debate from a few different categories.

LEVEL OF BALLSINESS: Pen

You need to be a complete badass to use a pen for everything. You have the self-confidence of Arnold Schwarzenegger if you feel fully comfortable using a pen without feeling self-conscious about making a mistake and needing an eraser.

If you use a pencil, that's not to say you're not gutsy, it's just that you're significantly less gutsy. I always make mistakes so a pencil is right up my alley, and I've fully accepted the fact that I am not a gutsy individual.

Now you might be thinking, "Hey, what about an erasable pen?" If you use an erasable pen, you're even less gutsy than someone who uses a pencil.

AESTHETIC LOOK: Pen

Writing with a pen immediately makes your writing look prettier, no doubt about it. I could write a shopping list and plant it in an Egyptian desert, and an explorer would think it was King Tut's diary. But writing in pen, my handwriting instantly looks slightly less disgustingly ugly.

Granted, some people can write neatly with a pen or pencil, but we need a winner for this category, so we're going with the pen.

LESS LIKELY TO PISS OFF YOUR NEIGHBOR: Pencil

Unless you're giving out the answers to the midterm in Morse code, there's no reason you should be clicking your pen so much. If you keep doing it the whole lecture I swear I will Tom Brady that pen across the room.

Unless you're practicing to be the backup drummer for a heavy metal band, there's really no way to annoy anyone with a pencil. Therefore, pencils take victory in the category.

EASIER TO TAKE YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON: Pencil

We've all gotten frustrated and snapped a pencil over our forehead when Daniel McGill told on you to the principal for bringing in candy on Halloween in fourth grade. Maybe not.

But imagine what kind of psychopath would snap a pen over their forehead out of anger. I would want a restraining order filled out against that person, stat.

VARIETY: Pen

Let me ask you one question. How many different kinds of pencils do you see in stores? Yeah yeah yeah, I know all about those crummy pencils that have rock hard erasers, but the only right answer is Ticonderoga. If you use any other brand of pencil, please stay far away from me.

There are three aisles of pens at my Staples. Anyone in the world would be able to find pens they like.

LEVELS OF MAINTENANCE: Pen

All I need to say about this one is: you don't need to sharpen a pen.

WINNER: Pen

The pen is superior to the pencil. Don't @ me.

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75 Of The Most Iconic Vine Quotes

"I smell like beef"

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Vine may be dead but Vine references live on. I still watch Vine threads AT LEAST twice a day. Here are 75 of the most quotable vines:

1. "Ooooooo, he needs some milk."

2. "Hi, welcome to Chili's."

3. "It is Wednesday, my dudes."

4. "Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh..."

5. "Escalera oooooooaaaa!"

6. "F**k ya chicken strips!"

7. "Barbecue sauce on my titties."

8. "Gimme your F**KING money!"

9. "That was legitness."

10. "Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

11. "Fre-sha-vocado."

12. "Staaaahp! I coulda dropped my croissant!"

13. "That's my OPINION."

14. "You're not my dad, ugly ass f**king noodle head."

15. "What the f**k, Richard."

16. "This bitch empty, YEET!"

17. "Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does."

18. "What up, I'm Jared I'm 19, and I never f**king learned how to read."

19. "Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

20. "My God, they were roommates."

21. "Why are you running, why are you running?"

22. "Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

23. "I can't swim."

24. "Lebron James."

25. "It's an avocado, thanksssss..."

26. "Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick."

27. "Watch your profanity."

28. "I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

29. "What are thoooooose?"

30. "I smell like beef."

31. "You better stop."

32. "What the F**K IS UP KYLE?"

33. "Come get y'all juice."

34. "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay."

35. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?"

36. "I wanna be a cowboy, baby."

37. "Why you always lying?"

38. "Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"

39. "I'm washing me and my clothes."

40. "Honey, you've got a big storm coming."

41. "XOXO, gossip girl."

42. "Shoutout to all the pear."

43. "A potato flew around my room before you came."

44. "Chipotle is my life."

45. "Look at all those chickens!"

46. "YOU BETTER STOP."

47. "I like turtles."

48. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, watermelon, INSIDE A WATERMELON."

49. "Deez nuts, HA GOT EM?"

50. "F**k you, I don't want no ravioli."

51. "21."

52. "I'm in my mum's car, broom broom."

53. "Iridocyclitis."

54. "You know what, I'm about to say it."

55. "That is NOT correct."

56. "Uh, I'm not finished" "Oh my God, can you let me do what I need to do?"

57. "I have osteoporosis."

58. "ADAM."

59. "Merry Chrysler."

60. "Wait a minute, who ARE you?"

61. "Try me, bitch."

62. "When will you learn, THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?"

63. "I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

64. "Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

65. "So no head?"

66. "You got eczema."

67. "I am shooketh."

68. "Hey my name is Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow."

69. "Can I PLEASE get a waffle?"

70. "There is only one thing worse than a rapist." "A child."

71. "Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

72. "Bitch, I hope the f**k you do."

73. "Two shots of vodka."

74. "F**k off Janet, I'm not going to your f**king baby shower."

75. "JEEEEEZ, Jesus Christ."

Cover Image Credit:

Vine/Katie Ryan

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8 Things I Wish I Could Scream At People To Get Them To Understand These Annoying Habits

Sometimes you just need to get some things off your chest.

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Look, I know I'm irrelevant and everyone should be able to live and believe and do whatever the heck they want, but it's been a long week, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm in the mood for a rant. So here is a completely random and pointless list of things I wish I could say to people sometimes.

1. EAT YOUR CARBS

Oh my goodness sometimes I just wish I could yell this through a megaphone. Carbs are not the enemy. Fats are not the enemy. You need them, that's why they're part of your macros! You will have 10x more energy and feel so much better, just please, Karen, have some pasta I promise you will be just fine.

2. For the love of God, can we all stop taking social media so seriously?


This is actually something I've had to scream at myself recently. Everyone's guilty of it. You spend an hour editing a picture, then send it to your friends to make sure it's "insta-worthy", then you buy a freaking app that lets you fake upload pictures to your feed to make sure it matches and when you finally post it you watch the likes and comments like a hawk to make sure it was a decent picture. Yeah. This used to be me (and my Instagram account wasn't ever even that good so it just makes this sad, honestly). But it's so dumb. I mean there's nothing wrong with editing pictures and posting good ones that you like, but we should be able to post dumb stuff too without caring about it or being judged. Last night I posted a "doge" meme from like 2013 just to be dumb. It only got 80 likes. I felt very liberated, you should try it.

3. Stop judging people who are affiliates with *certain* online businesses

I just don't understand why people take the time out of their day to write an entire post about how annoyed they are with seeing other people simply trying to sell skincare products or weight loss methods or whatever it is. They're just trying to make a lil cash like everyone else in the world and for a lot of them, this is their second job. You've got to give them credit for working hard and putting themselves out there because most people are too afraid to put themselves in that position. So yeah, you can be annoyed with the posts and call it a pyramid scheme all you want but I mean can you just not be publicly rude about it? If you don't like it you don't have to buy it ok? So next time Linda posts about her ~miracle haircare routine~ just scroll past, dude.

4. WHY is no white after labor day a thing??

I still don't understand why this is a fashion rule. It's still hot after labor day, I still have a summer tan, and white really compliments a good tan. WHY was this ever considered a good idea. Even when the cold weather comes in, haven't you guys ever heard of winter white????????

5. And for the last thing on my mind today that I am going to get an insane amount of hate for...

*looks down in nervousness and talks quietly*

Why is everyone freaking out about Ariana Grande? Yeah she's pretty and she has a few catchy songs but they're honestly pretty generic pop songs that are pretty much the same and she's always saying stuff like "issa vibe" and "keep that same energy fr" and she spells "something" as "sum" and she's a grown woman..I just...

I'm sorry I'm just being mean now.

Anyways, I'm sorry if you wasted your time reading this but I feel a lot better now. I'm done.

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