What is better, pens or pencils?

It's Time To Settle The Most Important Debate Of Mankind, Michael Scott Style

This debate has torn families apart. It's time we settle this.

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Since the dawn of time, there has been a violent debate that has not even come close to ending. Especially in the year 2019, this debate has grown so much. Issues have arisen. Tensions have flared, families have been torn apart, and Thanksgiving dinner has turned awkward. I think you all know what I'm talking about.

The debate on pens versus pencils.

Now we're going to unleash our inner Michael Scott and take a look at this controversial matter cage match style.

Now we're going to be taking a look at this debate from a few different categories.

LEVEL OF BALLSINESS: Pen

You need to be a complete badass to use a pen for everything. You have the self-confidence of Arnold Schwarzenegger if you feel fully comfortable using a pen without feeling self-conscious about making a mistake and needing an eraser.

If you use a pencil, that's not to say you're not gutsy, it's just that you're significantly less gutsy. I always make mistakes so a pencil is right up my alley, and I've fully accepted the fact that I am not a gutsy individual.

Now you might be thinking, "Hey, what about an erasable pen?" If you use an erasable pen, you're even less gutsy than someone who uses a pencil.

AESTHETIC LOOK: Pen

Writing with a pen immediately makes your writing look prettier, no doubt about it. I could write a shopping list and plant it in an Egyptian desert, and an explorer would think it was King Tut's diary. But writing in pen, my handwriting instantly looks slightly less disgustingly ugly.

Granted, some people can write neatly with a pen or pencil, but we need a winner for this category, so we're going with the pen.

LESS LIKELY TO PISS OFF YOUR NEIGHBOR: Pencil

Unless you're giving out the answers to the midterm in Morse code, there's no reason you should be clicking your pen so much. If you keep doing it the whole lecture I swear I will Tom Brady that pen across the room.

Unless you're practicing to be the backup drummer for a heavy metal band, there's really no way to annoy anyone with a pencil. Therefore, pencils take victory in the category.

EASIER TO TAKE YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON: Pencil

We've all gotten frustrated and snapped a pencil over our forehead when Daniel McGill told on you to the principal for bringing in candy on Halloween in fourth grade. Maybe not.

But imagine what kind of psychopath would snap a pen over their forehead out of anger. I would want a restraining order filled out against that person, stat.

VARIETY: Pen

Let me ask you one question. How many different kinds of pencils do you see in stores? Yeah yeah yeah, I know all about those crummy pencils that have rock hard erasers, but the only right answer is Ticonderoga. If you use any other brand of pencil, please stay far away from me.

There are three aisles of pens at my Staples. Anyone in the world would be able to find pens they like.

LEVELS OF MAINTENANCE: Pen

All I need to say about this one is: you don't need to sharpen a pen.

WINNER: Pen

The pen is superior to the pencil. Don't @ me.

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75 Of The Most Iconic Vine Quotes

"I smell like beef"

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Vine may be dead but Vine references live on. I still watch Vine threads AT LEAST twice a day. Here are 75 of the most quotable vines:

1. "Ooooooo, he needs some milk."

2. "Hi, welcome to Chili's."

3. "It is Wednesday, my dudes."

4. "Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh..."

5. "Escalera oooooooaaaa!"

6. "F**k ya chicken strips!"

7. "Barbecue sauce on my titties."

8. "Gimme your F**KING money!"

9. "That was legitness."

10. "Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

11. "Fre-sha-vocado."

12. "Staaaahp! I coulda dropped my croissant!"

13. "That's my OPINION."

14. "You're not my dad, ugly ass f**king noodle head."

15. "What the f**k, Richard."

16. "This bitch empty, YEET!"

17. "Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does."

18. "What up, I'm Jared I'm 19, and I never f**king learned how to read."

19. "Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

20. "My God, they were roommates."

21. "Why are you running, why are you running?"

22. "Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

23. "I can't swim."

24. "Lebron James."

25. "It's an avocado, thanksssss..."

26. "Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick."

27. "Watch your profanity."

28. "I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

29. "What are thoooooose?"

30. "I smell like beef."

31. "You better stop."

32. "What the F**K IS UP KYLE?"

33. "Come get y'all juice."

34. "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay."

35. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?"

36. "I wanna be a cowboy, baby."

37. "Why you always lying?"

38. "Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"

39. "I'm washing me and my clothes."

40. "Honey, you've got a big storm coming."

41. "XOXO, gossip girl."

42. "Shoutout to all the pear."

43. "A potato flew around my room before you came."

44. "Chipotle is my life."

45. "Look at all those chickens!"

46. "YOU BETTER STOP."

47. "I like turtles."

48. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, watermelon, INSIDE A WATERMELON."

49. "Deez nuts, HA GOT EM?"

50. "F**k you, I don't want no ravioli."

51. "21."

52. "I'm in my mum's car, broom broom."

53. "Iridocyclitis."

54. "You know what, I'm about to say it."

55. "That is NOT correct."

56. "Uh, I'm not finished" "Oh my God, can you let me do what I need to do?"

57. "I have osteoporosis."

58. "ADAM."

59. "Merry Chrysler."

60. "Wait a minute, who ARE you?"

61. "Try me, bitch."

62. "When will you learn, THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?"

63. "I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

64. "Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

65. "So no head?"

66. "You got eczema."

67. "I am shooketh."

68. "Hey my name is Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow."

69. "Can I PLEASE get a waffle?"

70. "There is only one thing worse than a rapist." "A child."

71. "Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

72. "Bitch, I hope the f**k you do."

73. "Two shots of vodka."

74. "F**k off Janet, I'm not going to your f**king baby shower."

75. "JEEEEEZ, Jesus Christ."

Cover Image Credit:

Vine/Katie Ryan

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Stand-Up Comedy Can Make The Most Stressful Days Way Easier

If you're stressed to the max, I highly recommend giving stand-up comedy specials a try!

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Have you ever been laying in bed after a long and stressful day, scrolling through Netflix, trying to find something to watch? You can't make a decision on something, so you decide to try something new. Now, this could be a big mistake or you could find something amazing. This happened to me a few weeks ago and somehow I ended up in the stand-up comedy section. I have seen a couple of clips of Gabriel Iglesias, or "Fluffy," on YouTube in the past, but I've never watched a stand-up comedy special on Netflix before. It never was appealing to me and I don't know many people that watch stand-up.

After deciding to watch Gabriel Iglesias' new Netflix special, I was intrigued. Then, my friend told me that I had to watch Bert Kreischer's new Netflix special. He promised that I would find it funny and that he was really good. He added that Bert does all of his performances shirtless and it makes it that much funnier. So, I watched it and I've been hooked to stand-up ever since. Now, I've become a fan of the many classic stand-up comedians that many people know and love like Kevin Hart, Ellen Degeneres, and Iliza Shlesinger as well. It quickly became something I couldn't get enough of, especially after a stressful day. I figured out that even after the most trying day and even when I was extremely stressed or drowning in homework, I forgot about all of that. I got an hour to myself to just take a breath, have a good laugh, and forget about all of my problems.

A lot of times, I use the hour to eat some food while I watch the special or just lay in bed for a little while and enjoy forgetting about all of the things I could be doing. I've also learned some things. Like the fact that Ellen got her start by doing stand-up, or that Fluffy is coming to Columbus this summer to do a show. I also learned that even though these people are celebrities and have thousands of followers and fans, they're very relatable and more like me than I realized. We sometimes forget that they are people too.

I highly recommend taking an hour out of your day to see if stand-up comedy could be a stress reliever for you. This is definitely a topic that many people don't think of when it comes to relieving stress or getting into a better mood. I'm glad I stumbled across this new found stress reliever to be able to try something different and new and to enjoy a good laugh while doing so. If you're down in the dumps or having a hard day, try watching stand-up. I promise it'll make your day better.

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