5 Infamous Patrice O'Neal Quotes Women Need To Know

Comedians get to see the black-and-white world with a grey lens. They bring much more meaning above the surface and introduce the method behind their madness. They can make a bright world dark and a dark world bright. Funny people know how to push the envelope.

One comedian shredded that envelope before opening it and managed to put it back together again for a successfully delivered message. Patrice O'Neal is that comedian. Before his death in 2011, he was best known for his commentary on gender relations, which deserve a listen, especially from today's guys and girls (but mostly from girls).

1. Double Standards.

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"Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon, dipped in honey."

Patrice is right, women get to be inappropriate all the time. Women like to put themselves on display. Sometimes it is more than obvious. A dangling necklace centers our eyes on the décolletage, which is what someone with manners might say. Someone who does not pretend magic is real might say, "Oh, Genie, beautiful titty meat you have there." Women do not make it easy for men either. They want the attention, but not that kind of attention. But they welcome it, secretly. Would you rather not be noticed by a guy? It is nature, ladies, and what a thing of nature it is.

2. Relationships.

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"The best relationship in the world is when the woman loves [a man] and the man likes her."

The heart is a piquant sea for a woman and so many sailors get lost in it because they want to rock the boat. Patrice points it out beautifully when he says women are sexable but not likeable, men are lovable but not sexable. The unspoken dynamics between a man and a woman laid out for us all to see. A man goes the distance for a woman while she sits and waits with a clipboard and checklist with his name on it. Again, women do not go easy on men when it comes to relationships. Love is a lot of work for men, more work than it is for a woman.

3. Sex.

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"[Women] want to do all their sexing between the ages of 30 and 50. But... the value of vagina is only good from 18 to 29."

All those careless ladies' nights add up quick. Instead of looking for Mr. Right, women are playing with their youth, teasing their prime time in the sun. Live too fast and the sun will turn you into a premature wrinkle. You cannot be wasting your time with a guy you know you are not going to have sex with. Except you can, since he is the one giving you dates and everything else that goes with them. Make much of time and do not be so damn selfish or picky, ladies.

4. The Truth.

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"The truth is a feeling that goes from your gut to your mouth, instantaneously. Women get to be truthful [and say whatever they want.] If [men] told the truth all the time, that's cruelty."

A woman can say the wrong thing, but no one calls her out on it because, somehow, that would make her less of a woman. For every women that is wrong, there is a guy pretending she is right. Women run on emotions more and men run on reason more. A guy cannot hurt her feelings because he fears the relationship will end or never get started. That and she will not accept the circumstances nor change them for the better. If he goes against her, he becomes less of a man for not supporting her self-serving narrative. Tell the truth and you will never be wrong.

5. Value.

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"[You're] the fourth most important thing in my life. It goes me, my career, my family, [you.]"

Patrice understood what made a women important for a man, but he also understood that a woman is not a man's everything. A man has to value who he is before anyone else does. A man has to value his time and his resources too. A man is not being selfish either. If a woman goes out with a guy more than three times and she does not even think about having sex with him, she is wasting his time and money. A guy is never going to see a woman's value either, what she has to offer, if all she has to offer is her "prize in the box." There is no fifty-fifty, it is eighty-eighty. The other twenty percent is for loving yourself and leaving the games behind.

Want more Patrice? See his comedy special, Elephant in the Room, his appearances on The Opie & Anthony Show and The Black Phillip Show.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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