13 Patient Deaths On 'Grey's Anatomy' I Won't Recover From

13 Patient Deaths On 'Grey's Anatomy' I Will Never Recover From

Mary Portman's death almost made me stop watching the show.

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Grey's Anatomy is known for its drama and obscene number of deaths, however, some of those deaths are much worse than others. Anytime they killed off a child or someone who definitely should have survived, it was tragic. These are by far the saddest, most traumatizing patient deaths Shonda Rhimes has ever given us.

1. Mary Portman

Mary was a long-time patient of Bailey's. She survived the hospital shooting by playing dead and proceeded to help Bailey take care of Charles Percy in his final moments. And then Shonda Rhimes kills her; she let her survive all that and then she just kills her off without an explanation.

2. Henry Burton

We all should have seen this coming; he had a chronic tumor condition. That didn't make it any less painful when he was ripped from our lives. The fact that Christina was the one operating made it 100x worse.

3. Denny Duquette

Watching Izzy lose the love of her life was one of the hardest parts of the show to watch. Denny was an amazing character; seeing Izzy cling to his lifeless body was gut-wrenching. And then, Shonda brings him back, but only so that he could be Izzy's angel of death; it was a true tragedy.

4. Jimmy Evans

Alex's father was made out to be terrible when he stumbles into the ER and reunites with Alex, it makes his death so much worse. And to add insult to injury the reason he died was because Shane had a meltdown while operating. This led to a lot of unresolved emotional issues for Alex and a tragic death for his father.

5. Francesca "Frankie" McNeil

Frankie is from a family that came into the hospital thinking they needed a heart transplant for one child and found out they also needed it for another. But of course Shonda Rhimes has to make it difficult and there can only be one heart and Christina Yang has to choose which kid gets it. She gave it to the child she thought had the best chance at surviving and even though she tried to help Frankie, it was futile. This scene left everyone in tears.

6. Tommy Peterson

Tommy Peterson was born 3 months too early which resulted in his being put in the NICU. His premature birth caused many complications, and after a few weeks he died in the arms of his mother while Alex disconnected the machines that had been keeping him alive. All Grey's deaths are terrible, but the death of a baby was worse than any other.

7. Harold O'Malley

Harold O'Malley was brought into the hospital for a broken clavicle and treated by Callie, but when he complained of stomach pains, it was discovered that he had cancer which had spread to just about everywhere. After awhile, Harold eventually died from multiple organ failure while in the presence of his family. Watching him get taken off of life support and slowly die in front of his children was one of the saddest moments.

8. Susan Grey

While compared to most deaths, this one was not nearly as tragic as many others. What made it so terrifying was that she died from something most of us experience quite often. She died from the freaking hiccups.

9. Jen Harmon

Jen Harmon's death was perhaps one of the more unexpected ones; she originally came in because she ran over her husband's foot only to collapse on arrival at the hospital. Turns out her pregnancy was causing her issues and she had an aneurysm--which Derek of course fixed--and then she was in the clear. Or so we thought because shortly after that, she went back into surgery and Derek proceeds to remove most of her brain in an attempt to save her, but only the baby survives which makes it all the more devastating.

10. Bonnie Crasnoff

No one can forget this episode in which two people were impaled onto a pole in the wake of a train crash; one of them being Bonnie Crasnoff. Her and a man were both stuck on the pole and after assessing the situation, it was determined that he was more likely to survive the removal and therefore she asked Derek to tell her fiancé goodbye for her. When they removed the pole in the OR, the doctors abandoned Bonnie to work on the man because he had a better chance at living; except Meredith Grey. She only stopped CPR when Bailey called time of death and forced her to--it was a horrific scene.

11. Jessica Smithson

There is nothing worse than when a show kills off a child--it doesn't happen a lot in Grey's but when it does it is terrible. Jessica was a young girl who had Tay-Sachs and at the age of 6 she was nearing the end of her time; her father brought her to the hospital and was insisting they needed more time so he could get her to Mexico for an experimental treatment. Jessica's dad was stuck in a delusional state in which he thought they still could go to Mexico and so Bailey acted as the main form of comfort for Jessica. Bailey layed with Jessica and rocked her like she does with her own son until her father realized this was it and took over.

12. Madeleine Skurski

Madeleine thought she had the stomach flu--to her surprise it turned out to be a wide-spread cancer that was incurable at this stage. Madeleine was a math teacher and upon her diagnosis, her primary concern was not herself, but how she would break the news to her students. Her devotion to her students made her death all the more heartbreaking because it clearly affected them.

13. Emile Flores

Emile was admitted to the hospital after the roof of the restaurant he worked at collapsed on Valentine's Day. He bribed Karev to put him next to another patient--Mrs. Banks. Emile discloses to Karev that he had fallen in love with Mrs. Banks years ago when she had started coming to the restaurant, and then she had started to bring her future husband with her. Emile had never told her his true feelings, but she happened to overhear when he told Karev which was good because Emile died shortly after. Unrequited love and death are two things that when paired together are a recipe for tragedy.

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Working With People Who Are Dying Teaches You So Much About How To Live

Spending time with hospice patients taught me about the art of dying.

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Death is a difficult subject.

It is addressed differently across cultures, lifestyles, and religions, and it can be difficult to find the right words to say when in the company of someone who is dying. I have spent a lot of time working with hospice patients, and I bore witness to the varying degrees of memory loss and cognitive decline that accompany aging and disease.

The patients I worked with had diverse stories and interests, and although we might have had some trouble understanding each other, we found ways to communicate that transcended any typical conversation.

I especially learned a lot from patients severely affected by dementia.

They spoke in riddles, but their emotions were clearly communicated through their facial expressions and general demeanor, which told a story all on their own.

We would connect through smiles and short phrases, yes or no questions, but more often than not, their minds were in another place. Some patients would repeat the details of the same event, over and over, with varying levels of detail each time.

Others would revert to a child-like state, wondering about their parents, about school, and about family and friends they hadn't seen in a long time.

I often wondered why their minds chose to wander to a certain event or time period and leave them stranded there before the end of their life. Was an emotionally salient event reinforcing itself in their memories?

Was their subconscious trying to reconnect with people from their past? All I could do was agree and follow their lead because the last thing I wanted to do was break their pleasant memory.

I felt honored to be able to spend time with them, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was intruding on their final moments, moments that might be better spent with family and loved ones. I didn't know them in their life, so I wondered how they benefited from my presence in their death.

However, after learning that several of the patients I visited didn't have anyone to come to see them, I began to cherish every moment spent, whether it was in laughter or in tears. Several of the patients never remembered me. Each week, I was a new person, and each week they had a different variation of the same story that they needed to tell me.

In a way, it might have made it easier to start fresh every week rather than to grow attached to a person they would soon leave.

Usually, the stories were light-hearted.

They were reliving a memory or experiencing life again as if it were the first time, but as the end draws nearer, a drastic shift in mood and demeanor is evident.

A patient who was once friendly and jolly can quickly become quiet, reflective, and despondent. I've seen patients break down and cry, not because of their current situation, but because they were mourning old ones. These times taught me a lot about how to be just what that person needs towards the end of their life.

I didn't need to understand why they were upset or what they wanted to say.

The somber tone and tired eyes let me know that what they had to say was important and worth hearing. What mattered most is that someone who cared was there to hear it.

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To The Person Who Doesn't See Their Own Potential, Let Me Tell You Differently

No one can tell you how far you will go but yourself.

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"I am on my way, I can go the distance. I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong." - Hercules

As normal humans, you might already know that we are subconsciously judgemental. What color is that girl's skin? How does the haircut look like on that guy who is sitting at the very back of the class? What grade did he get on that last math test? Should I go ask? This isn't necessarily a bad thing...

Until it affects someone thinking they aren't capable of doing something.

Most of us already think we aren't good enough, but what does that mean? Do I have to be better than the person sitting next to me in class? Would I have to try extra hard to get into the soccer team even though I don't like soccer?

Would I have to try extra hard to impress because everyone around me is better than me?

It shouldn't be like that, obviously, but when we feel constant pressure around us, we can't really help it. I struggle to find my confidence, my worth, and sometimes motivation, every day. A few years ago, I used to try and find reassurance by thinking that I was competing with someone who wasn't the best and was "less" better than me, whatever that was supposed to mean for me.

It sounds bad, but it's true. I wouldn't just mentally attack someone else just because I didn't believe in myself, but I would also attack myself and without realizing it, I was unhappy. I was stressing out so much because I was coming to the realization that there are people who are always going to be better than you, whether academically, in sports, or something else.

We know this, but in the back of our heads, we still can't accept it.

I would find people who were better than me in everything and when people started to tell me how bad I was at something, no matter how small, my confidence started to fade away completely.

That is when I started to question what I couldn't do instead of what I could.

I tried harder to compete with myself instead of competing with other people and I'm still learning to improve myself. One thing I still don't do, which all of us should do, is learning to acknowledge every single achievement.

Be proud of yourself.

If you get an award or a prize or even get recognized for something without anything to come home with, OWN IT. You must know that whoever recognized you wasn't "recognizing the wrong person" or you "heard wrong." You don't even need someone else to tell you that you achieved something because if you feel like your improvement advanced further, feel proud. Realize that if you can do something better than the last time, you can keep doing better, but never stop, not even if you think you reached your full potential.

Just find your own limit, and keep aiming toward it.

Find your own limit, not someone else's and aim toward it. If you make a mistake, so what? We all make mistakes, but what we all don't do is actually accept what we are doing wrong because we are so focused on being "better." Just "better" won't get you to the top, and I don't mean the top of the class or above someone. I mean the top as in success. Courage. Being knocked down but standing back up and doing it again for yourself.

Risking going far will take you far.

Telling yourself that you can do anything, regardless of who you are, will take you far.

Seeing your obstacles as the next step instead of the block in your path will take you far.

Creating the "top" instead of trying to see it will take you further.

Once you make your own road, no one will be there to stop you.

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