I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Self-control: what exactly is it? What does it mean? Why should we learn to use it? What happens if we don’t use it? Most of us can probably answer these questions on our own, depending on our personalities or circumstances, but I wanted to share my own view on these questions.

Being at a small women’s college gives you many great opportunities to get involved, discover a sisterhood, and learn what it takes to be a successful, level-headed woman in a largely patriarchal society. It also offers a chance for you to realize that high school never ends. In fact, that’s one piece of advice I’d give to myself as a freshman. High school doesn’t end when you go to college because there will always, always be problems with people around you. By this, to put it bluntly, I mean that there will always be people who don’t like you, and in turn, people you don’t like. There will always be someone who gets under your skin for whatever reason, whether it be for something she did on the first day of classes, something you heard she did to someone else, or something you know she lied to you about. You’ll never escape those people, no matter where you go on this earth. Since you can’t escape these situations, the thing you learn to do in college (hopefully) is how to keep your cool. You learn to exercise patience and self-control in the face of the seemingly relentless irritability you have for a person.

Now, it may sound simple, but for those of you who know what I’m talking about, you know that when you are faced with a chance to do the right thing over the wrong thing, there comes a time when doing the wrong thing isn’t as appealing anymore, even if it would be so sweet to see “the look on her face.” Say someone has been annoying you a lot since classes began, and every day in class you hear her say something that makes you want to punch a wall. But, you have to settle for the biggest eye roll you can manage and move on for the sake of peace. Every day, you’re choosing to do the right thing, because you know that if you really did say something snippy to her, you’d be starting drama. You decide to keep your mouth shut because nothing is worse than drama with someone you see every day in class; It’s a guaranteed way to make your semester that much worse. Self control is essential for situations like this, and the fact that it’s so hard to master makes it that much more crucial to work on while you’re in college instead of when you have a real job. Nobody wants to be the person at the office who goes off on people. Work on it and get used to it here, where that annoying girl in your class isn’t your coworker, and she can’t tell your boss how unprofessional you are and get you fired.

Not only is this kind of attitude important to get used to for the sake of keeping peace, but it also makes you an all-around better person. Some of my sisters and teammates are the queens of patience, and I could never for the life of me understand how they do it. After a year I think I’m starting to get an idea. I think a good way to handle some things is to just tell yourself to go with the flow. Just think, “Am I really going to be bothered by this in a year? Am I going to remember that this even happened if I don’t react to it?” The answer, nine times out of ten, is no. You won’t remember a year or a few years from now, because in the big picture, petty issues don’t matter. What matters is your reaction, and how you deal with those kinds of petty issues. Of course, every situation is unique, and sometimes certain reactions are appropriate. The trick, however, is to know when to react and when to let it go. That’s the hardest part for me. If there’s an issue and I have the choice to react or let it go, it’s hard for me to decide on the right way to go. But that’s just life. Sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong answer.

With all this being said, I think the best thing to do is roll with the punches and always stay true to what you know is right. Even if you mess up sometimes, it’s okay, because who never messes up? It’s unrealistic to hold yourself to the standard of never making a mistake, especially when dealing with these kinds of social issues. You learn from your mistakes and become better every time, and as long as you feel like some volume of good came from your choice, you’re doing alright. We sometimes forget what’s really important, and we let stupid things cloud our judgement. Always stay true to yourself and always try to do what you believe is the right thing, and everything will work out.