When it comes to feminism there are a million things to say and a million different opinions. After having written an article last week on taking what I believe is a more realistic look at feminism I realized that there was more I felt I needed to say. So here it is, part two of my in depth reflections on a topic I am so passionate about.
4. Sexuality shaming.
Women have been shamed for their sexuality for ages. We've been taught to be aware of the clothes we wear, the way we act, the number of sexual encounters we have. Our culture, our friends, our family members and perhaps our religion encourages us to be very careful of these things in order to avoid misleading others. We wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea, would we? A man maybe be considered a pimp, but in the similar position women are whores. We all can agree that this isn't fair, and there is a long way to go in order to change it. However, I believe that more and more often these days, men too are shamed for their sexuality, just in a different way.
"Oh my God, that guy over there is staring at me. What a creep."
"Ew, he's probably some kind of pervert...What's your problem buddy? Take a picture why don't you?"
Sound familiar? But really, what did he do that was so wrong? Maybe he
was attracted to the woman he stared at, maybe not. Either way, should
he be shamed for his sexuality? Should he be made to feel foolish
because of it? I can't remember the last time I heard a similar remark
made to a woman by a man that she looked at for a lingering moment. Is
that equality? Perhaps not.
5. Fear of unmet expectations.
Fear is certainly a powerful tool, isn't it? Fear can force you to act in a way you wouldn't normally, it can shake you to the core and cause you to make irrational choices or decisions. Growing up in the 90's, many of us still experienced a lot of gender based socializing, from aisles of pink for girls and blue for boys in every store, to being told that girls should play with dolls and the cooking play sets while boys should use the pretend workbench complete with tools and the army guys in trucks. It set our generation up for a lot of misleading expectations of ourselves and of each other.
I will never forget the day that the 10-year-old, very excited Pokemon nerd that I was (and still am) raced into Target for the new Pokemon Soul Silver game for my Gameboy Color. The cashier frowned at me. "You can't get that, that's for boys." I looked at my mom with giant eyes; I felt like crying. I had been counting down the days until we got it for weeks. She rolled her eyes and he laughed but I remember all that day as I was playing my new game I wondered secretly if I was going to become a "tomboy." Such a dirty word in my grandparent's traditionalist house, and not something I had ever thought much about before, yet one small comment had suddenly caused me to question who I was.
That doesn't happen anymore, though, right? Blatant sexism like that is a thing of the past. Or is it? My boyfriend is a nurse. He finds a lot of fulfillment in his career, he enjoys what he does and I admire his patience and compassion. And yet, it has actually surprised me some of the reactions I've received when I am asked about what his profession is. "So when is he gonna become a doctor?" "A nurse? Seriously? Is this Meet the Fockers or something?" "Wait, why? Was he not smart enough to become an MD?" Actually, no, this isn't a movie, and yes, he is smart, and caring and happy as a nurse, with no plans to become a doctor, ever. As a feminist, I totally support that. Because we're all equal, aren't we?
These
types of things aren't because the people I know and surround myself
with aren't feminists, or because the cashier in the Target we went to
when I was a kid hated women. They happen because people are resistant
to change. There is no point in holding a grudge or casting blame for
that. As opposed to pointing fingers at individuals we need to instead
look at the way we've grown up for answers. After years of having been
taught that we should expect women to cook, clean and raise kids, taught
that we should expect men to fill masculine roles, be household
breadwinners and be next to emotionless, it's difficult to undo all of
that socialization. So when something strikes us as off about the way a
person acts vs. the gender role we expected they would fill, we're taken
aback. This fear of change causes us to speak without thinking, to react
in ways that maybe aren't showcasing the best versions of ourselves. As
our culture evolves, we too must evolve. It isn't easy, but it is
necessary.
Overcoming the Stigma
Overall, I believe we need to stand together, as feminists, both men and women. We need to be careful not to fall into the traps of discrimination on either side, but consider the issues the opposite sex deals with, because both sexes experience challenges. Feminism is a flawed, yes, but it's a beautiful thing. Women and men are both amazing, each gender bringing so much to the table. We rely on each other, we need each other and we must value and treat each other equally. It is time to make changes in how we treat each other, and how we treat ourselves. Because all of us deserve respect and fairness as we co-inhibit this beautiful planet. Not just as women or for women but as people, for people.
