Since I was about 10, I knew my parents were eventually going to get divorced. It was just a question of when. At that age, I prayed for it to never happen, but as I got a little older and could finally understand what was happening, I prayed for the exact opposite.

Unfortunately, my prayers were answered too late, and my life has suffered greatly because of my parent's decision to wait until I was out of the house to get divorced. While their intention was good, a lot of the hardships in my life could have been avoided if they had split sooner. To help kids from going through the same pain I went through and to possibly sway deciding parents in the right direction, I wrote a letter.

This letter is written to parents who are thinking of getting a divorce:

I know the decision you are trying to make isn't an easy one, but it is one that needs to be made. As a child of parents who waited at least 10 years to get divorced, I know the struggles of watching your parent's marriage fail and having to help clean up the aftermath all too well. Watching my parents fall out of love did nothing but hurt me, so please, for your children's sake, think about what they will see if you wait until they're older to split. They will begin to notice the kisses you and your spouse are no longer giving one another. They will see that Dad sleeping on the couch has become more common. They will hide behind walls and listen in on conversations that became just a little too loud. Because of this, their views of what marriage and love are will be greatly affected. I know mine were.

When your child gets old enough to see the marriage failing, they are old enough to take on part of the blame. I don't know how many nights I stayed up wondering if I had something to do with my parents not getting along. Even as an adult, I still wonder if my birth was the final stressor for their relationship.

After I began putting the blame on myself, I began trying to fix something that I now realize was unfixable. I put myself in my parent's arguments many times, trying to rationalize with them and show them I was there listening to the horrible things they were saying about one another. I felt that since I was the cause, I should try to be the solution. Being in this position hurt my relationship with my parents. I heard things I never wanted to hear about them and saw them in situations that a child should never see their parents in. Being older when these things were happening engrained the images and words in my mind. I am unsure if the relationships I have will my parents will ever fully heal.

These are just a few problems that your child might encounter if you wait to get a divorce. I struggle with healthy communication, being in stable relationships, and anxiety, all of which connect back to situations that would have never happened if my parents had broken up sooner.

Now, I'm not saying that divorce is the best and final answer to your marriage problems. But if you are considering not getting divorced because you are afraid it will hurt your child, I can promise you that staying together will hurt them more. A split family is better than an unhealthy one, and I can say that from experience.

So all I ask is that when you're in an unhealthy relationship and deciding whether to ask your spouse for a divorce and how that will affect your children, do it. Your children will thank you later.

Sincerely,

A 19-year-old whose parents just got divorced