Dear Mom and Dad,
I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent. The closest I’ve ever come is remembering to make sure the cat had enough food and water in his bowl. But from the overwhelming outpouring amount of love that I received from both of you, it’s not hard to see that my happiness and overall well-being is your number one priority, and no words could ever repay you for that love and support.
I’m 20, and I suffer from depression. I’ve never had to justify myself to you about it. I’ve never had to defend the fact that I suffer from it. In the moment that I told you how empty I felt, you stood tall, and in the moment when I needed you the most, you were there for me — my rock, my heart and my life. Because of that, I want to apologize. I don’t want to apologize for having depression, because I know you don’t blame me. I want to apologize for almost giving up, despite the unconditional love you have given me.
Dad, you were there for me during my first months on this planet. You coached me for years and nurtured me into a great athlete and an even better person for teaching me sportsmanship and devotion for anything in life I am passionate about. For years we’ve bonded, bickering over football and making fun of Mom. Although over the course of my life, you have never shed a tear. Nothing captivated me more than when I read the recommendation you wrote me for my college application, which encompassed my love for helping others and my devotion to my family and friends.
Mom, it was as if a slightly taller and more dysfunctional duplicate of you existed as I grew up. You taught me how to throw a perfect spiral, how to cook all my favorite dishes and how to love unconditionally. You have always been a perfect role model for me. I have never met a more independent and strong woman my entire life. You take every obstacle in life with such grace and dignity, a quality that, if I inherit even 1 percent of it, will make me a better person.
I am so sorry for the moment when I told you I tried to kill myself. I wish that I could have saved you that pain in your heart because now I see it every day in your eyes when you look at me.
And even though I can’t take that moment back, I wanted to tell you both something; something that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you in person.
You both saved my life. It was because of those moments of playing soccer as your player, Dad, and all the hours we spent together cooking and gossiping, Mom, that brought me back. It was because of those moments that filled the hole in my heart. It’s because of you that I am alive. It’s because of you that I’ve beaten my depression.
If I could take away the pain from that day from both of you, I would. But I can’t. But what I can say is on the parent report card, you get an A+. Stellar performance on the field. Because of the people you are, you gave me the strength to not give up in my lowest and worst moment. Because of you, I am still here, living and loving life.
I want to thank you for a lot of things. I want to thank you for giving me a wonderful house to grow up in and unlimited opportunities to shine. And most of all, I want to thank you for saving my life.
