So some background for this article: I was with a guy, we took a short break, got back together, didn’t tell his parents for a few months, told them, and they forced him to break up with me. Now we’re both 19 and in college, he has his own apartment, he’s in the military, I live away from home, you know, consenting adults who can make our own decisions. Now why did they force him to break up with me I can’t give you one concrete answer, although all of the reasons I do know are pretty silly. I’m not a terrible person, I am a successful academic, I do a lot of volunteer work, I’ve ran support groups for bullied children, I’m respectful, and I try to be nice to everyone. However, I am prone to biting sarcastic remarks (although those who know me know it’s always in jest) and I can be a bit standoffish due to my horrible social anxiety which only gets worse when it comes to meeting parents, I am also quite opinionated when you break through that anxiety.

Growing up my own parents were very strict, but in different ways.More like be home by 10pm when I was 18 or 11pm when I didn't have school. They were also strict about the streets I could cross and where I could go but that has more to do with where I grew up and that subsided as I got older. And my goodness, my mom still tries to tell me how to dress when I'm home (but don't worry, mom, I never show my stomach or anything... Like ever...). When it came to dating, though, I had a decent amount amount of freedom. Suddenly having my choices made for me by parents who are not even mine is quite the shock, it is a new feeling of helplessness, especially since I have always been a very independent child. Even when living at home I tried to be as self sufficient as possible. I don't know if it is the OCD, the depression, being the eldest child that was a bit more active in raising the younger children than most, or just being raised as an independent person, but I am very transfixed on having control over my whole life. I've always been able to make 10-20 year plans for myself even in changing environments. I do also have to specify that I'm only a control freak over my own life, not anyone else's.

It's been a couple months since the break up and I still feel rather lost about it all, especially since I can't think of any way around it. That's also where my stubbornness becomes an issue and having trouble just moving past it all. There are a couple other factors that also contribute to its complication. Some days I'm just over it all and I'm perfectly fine, but then sometimes I'm randomly hit with a wave of sadness regarding it. Of course I try to take it one day at a time (which I'm also not very good at. Thanks, anxiety) for better or for worse.

*Sorry this article was just more for my need to talk about the situation and may seem a bit whiny*