In a sort of twist on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s "The Scarlet Letter," a new trend in parenting could be doing much more harm than good. Recently, the world wide web has exploded with images and videos of children being publicly shamed for bullying, racy behavior, and disrespect. Parents are apparently fed up with their children, and have resorted to public shaming to teach them lessons.
The usual format for a public shaming punishment is where a child stands in a very public area holding a sign with their misdeed written on it, and are subsequently recorded/photographed to be plastered all over the Internet.
Peggy Drexler, a Ph.D. recipient and a writer for Psychology Today stated that, “It's important to recognize that discipline is not the same as punishment. Discipline is necessary. Punishment is not. In most cases, misbehavior among toddlers and young kids isn't something that requires punishing but, instead, some understanding and a frank parent-child discussion.”
Other individuals have come out and have compared what these parents are doing to bullying. And it’s hard to argue with that when you have seen videos of parents screaming at their children while they hold up signs, egging on passersby to laugh and point at their child. Writer Nile Cappello stated, “One of the most powerful, life-changing emotions children learn to feel is shame. Almost everyone can remember the first time they felt this uncomfortable self-awareness… but also lucky enough to have a mom who stroked my hair, gave me a hug and told me to not to let bullies get me down.”
Other individuals, many of them parents, have spoken out against this new parenting trend. Florida parent Wayman Gresham explains that proper parenting should prevent the situation to call for a punishment like public shaming in the first place. “Good parenting is letting your child know that you love them regardless of what they are and who they are and showing them the way by example.”
Lastly what effect does this type of discipline actually have? Well, children need a secure base, which, according to attachment theorists, parents/guardians are suppose to provide. A secure base includes with it empathy and compassion and necesary, sensible disciplinary action. Public shaming lacks empathy and compassion resulting in a destruction of a secure base.
Also, shaming and humiliating children is emotionally abusive and usually festers a feeling of worthlessness a and a poor and destructive self image. The feeling of shame does not go away with time. It stays with the child and shapes them negatively.
In one case, after being forced into a public shaming as punishment, 13-year-old girl Izabel Laxamana commited suicide by jumping off a highway overpass. This incident happened a few days after her father videotaped himself cutting her hair off for racy behavior. This original 15-second video has since been removed.
Though public shaming does usually stop the behavior that the parents wish gone, it does leave emotional scars, shapes the child’s life, and can have profound negative effects.
