On June 17th, 2018 I experienced the greatest heartbreak of my life so far: my great grandma passed away. Not only was she one of my biggest inspirations, but she was one of the strongest women I have ever known. I was asked to speak at her funeral service and I was more than willing to. However, I didn't think it was going to be so hard to come up with the right words to say. It was by far, the hardest thing I have ever written. This is very different than most of my posts, but I wanted to share this because these words come from the deepest part of my heart and I want to remind myself of them forever. This one is for you, Abuela Emma.
Normally I am pretty good with writing speeches, but I find that this time it is different. It took me a long time to be able to find the right words to say today. My goal was to say exactly how I am feeling, yet I can't seem to adequately put it into words. It it is hard to describe how you feel when you are staring at a blank computer with no thoughts. I did a lot of thinking about what I should say, but nothing seemed good enough, so instead of trying to force sentences onto a piece I tried something else. I closed my computer and I started to remember her.
There are some things we will never forget.
Like, I'll never forget the sound of pastelillos cooking in the kitchen.
I'll never forget that within every holiday or birthday card, I would find money either taped or stapled to the inside. I'll never forget the taste of her carrot cake. And let me tell you, I don't even eat carrots, but if Abuela Emma was making a carrot cake I would put all that pickiness aside just so that I could devour a slice. I'll never forget her smile. I guess it is corny to say that it lit up every room, but it is the truth. A smile like hers could bring light to any darkness. Most of all, I'll never forget the time she took my hand and told me that it was going to be okay. She knew what was coming and she made sure that we knew it too and as much as I didn't want it to be true, I knew that she had it all figured out the minute she smiled and winked at me.
The women in my life have always been some of the strongest people I have ever known. My mom, always ambitious and my grandmas never failing to inspire those around them, but I think we can all agree, that the strength of emma valentin roura was unlike any other. She was practically invincible. It seemed as though her strength would never fail her and it didn't because until the last moment she was strong. There was so much love and care in everything she did and said. She never failed to tell me how proud she was of me, but I think I was more proud of her. No human I have ever known has exuded that kind of courage.
A few years ago she gave me the ring I wear on my left hand every day because it became too big for her fingers. There are 3 words engraved into it: "love," "faith," and "hope." Love, something she never failed to express. Signing every card either "con todo mi corazon" (with all my heart) or "a thousand kisses and hugs," she always knew how to make you feel loved. Faith, she had faith in those she loved. She had faith in us to pursue our goals, especially when it came to my brother, Jake and me, she was always excited to hear what we were doing in school or life. She let her faith be known to her church community and all of those around her every chance she got. Hope, her unwavering hope that we would always be strong and continue on. She hoped that we would be the ones to share her legacy and hold onto it in our hearts forever.
On May 19th, 2017, in my high school graduation card, she wrote, "live with joy in your heart and love in your soul." At the time, I took that as any other inspirational quote you write in a card, but today I understand its meaning more than ever. I will continue to live a life of joy and love for her. She exemplified every aspect of living with joy in her heart and love in her soul. Today, I am trying to exemplify those same ideals. I live with joy in my heart that she is finally reunited with my Abuelo Samuel and most definitely getting all the ice cream she has ever wanted; and I live with love in my soul because even though I miss her so much, I know that she will always be apart of me.
I am honored to be her great granddaughter, but more than that, I am honored to be able to pass her legacy on to the generations that will follow me because she is my inspiration. She is, and will always be, everything I aspire to be.
Abuela Emma, amor verdadero nos une por siempre, en el latido de mi corazón.
Our love for each other will live on forever, in every beat of my proud heart.
