Last semester I decided that I was going to be involved and get into things so that I could, you know, meet new people and be a cool college kid. I was always on the lookout for new organizations to join. I paid attention to every flyer on campus and every twitter post I saw, just trying to find something that I thought would interest me. One day on twitter I came across an interest meeting flyer for the Miss Curves Pageant. The title itself already had me sucked in. A pageant for curvy women? Hell yeah! I was in! So I got my application together and about a week later I got word that I was accepted as a contestant in Stephen F. Austin State University's 4th Annual Miss Curves Pageant. That's when the journey started.
A little history on myself, I've never been the most confident person. I was always the weird one in my group of friends, my crushes never liked me back, and if the world ended it would all be because I was fat. That obviously wasn't the truth, but I was a kid, and that's the only thing that made sense to me. As a 19-year-old, almost adult, I still sort of felt the same way. So making the decision to participate in the pageant was a big deal for me.
Going into the pageant process there were a few things I was expecting from the experience, and those were to make new friends, learn to love myself, and inspire others to love themselves too. Those were the main reasons I even wanted to be a contestant. That's what kept me passionate, kept me going, especially on the days that I really didn't want to get up and go to practice.
Now that the journey is almost over, and the pageant is in a few weeks, I'm sitting here thinking about how much I've grown. When I started, I was afraid of so many things: being the biggest pageant girl, having to walk in my swimsuit in front of a crowd of people, falling flat on my face trying to walk in heels, and all of the other pageant things I had never done. I was afraid that my pageant sisters wouldn't like me, or that SFA wouldn't like me. I was just afraid of everything, to be honest. But now that I've lived through it, I'm no longer afraid. I'm excited! I'm excited to show my school and anyone else paying attention, that I love myself and all of my curves. I'm excited to celebrate this confident, strong woman that has surfaced over the past few months. I knew that she was always there, I guess I just didn't know how to get her out and introduce her to the world.
Even if I don't win the title of Miss Curves, I know that I've won so much more than that. I've won this new family full of amazing and beautiful women. I've won the satisfaction of finally loving myself, imperfections and all. I've won the experience and the journey. Those are all things I wouldn't trade, not even for the crown.
So if you're like me, or, the old me, find something different to do. Even if it's not a Miss Curves Pageant. Maybe just go buy a swimsuit and take a walk on the beach, no cover-up allowed. Get out of your comfort zone. We get so comfortable in our insecurities, women especially, and we lose parts of ourselves that we never knew existed! Don't let something as silly as a few extra pounds, a few extra pimples, or even a few extra (crappy) people stop you from being happy! Life is too short to live it hiding behind insecurities. So be who YOU want to be, and love every bit of yourself!
