If you’re looking for some music that features the anthems of some of the greatest arcade classics, check out Buckner & Garcia’s album “Pac Man Fever.” After the single by the same name sold over a million copies, the duo from Akron, Ohio signed with Columbia/CBS Records. The label demanded a full album of arcade novelty songs. Though it wasn’t the aspiration of the group, they wrote seven more themed tracks to back up the Pac Man tribute.
During the bridge of each song, where a guitar solo would typically be, sound effects from each song’s respective game are jammed in. But the sound bites never give the impression of actually making music. Instead, you get the impression that someone playing the in the background got annoyed by the band’s music and turned the game’s volume up.
Though the lyrics are a testament to the group’s limited knowledge of each game, every track slakes the thirst for the nostalgic taste of '80s rock ballads and 8-bit gaming effects well enough to keep you listening. Below, I’ve compiled the best examples of each song’s so-bad-it’s-funny lyrics. See if you can spot the subtle (sarcasm) inclusion of each game’s name in the titles and/or lyrics. I included quite a few lines about needing to win or get the high score. Every song had at least one.
Pac Man Fever (Pac Man): I’m gonna eat ‘em all up just as soon as they turn blue. I’m gonna faint to the left then move to the right. Gonna eat all the cherries up and take 'em all for a ride.
Froggy’s Lament (Frogger): Froggy takes one step at a time the way that he moves has no reason or rhyme. You've got to keep on hopping till you get to the top. You've got to keep on hopping, you can never stop. (The lyrics in this song are especially funny as they sound like they’re being sung by Optimus prime)
Ode to a Centipede (Centipede): You can’t run away. I’m coming to get you, here I come. Centipede twists and bends. Spiders are his only friends. Come out, come out, wherever you are. Go ahead and run your little legs off, do ya have Nikes for all of 'em?
"Do the Donkey Kong" (Donkey Kong): Scale up the wall how high can you go? You can get off at the top and then you look from side to side. Come on come on, come on come on, do the Donkey Kong. You pick up the hammer and then you put the fire out; now we think you know what Donkey Kong is all about. (or not)
"Hyperspace" (Asteroids): Asteroids around me, I’ve got nowhere to run, somewhere between the moon and the sun. Push on the button and I’m back in the race. (I didn’t know there was a racing element in Asteroids)
"The Defender" (Defender): There’s a battle goin’ on that’s gotta’ be won. I’m the defender, A mutant ender. Here comes the bomb and this is my chance, fire the laser and watch him dance.
"Mousetrap" (Mouse Trap): Cheese was the bait, won’t somebody help me before it’s too late. I’m caught in a mousetrap, now what can I do? I could turn into adog if I just had a bone.
"Goin’ Berzerk" (Berzerk): I can move forward and make directions, once I start I'm never done. I can go from room to room, I can walk or I can run. I think I’m going Berzerk. Berzerk, Berzerk, Berzerk over you.
You get the idea—hilariously bad writing for the entire 35-minute duration of the album.
Overall, this album is what you would expect from a 1980s band that initially didn’t even want to write the album: uninspired. This album could possibly be the best background music for reading Ernest Cline’s "Ready Player One," however, as each song is about as '80s as it gets. If you’re the kind of person that can find amusement in the exceptionally terrible, like watching “Troll 2” or “Sharknado,” there is some entertainment value to the album.
Maybe in the near future, Buckner & Garcia will make a modern album in the same spirit. I would love to see provocative lyrics about a game like "Call of Duty": "Pull the right trigger to shoot your gun, boy this game is a lot of fun." On second thought, maybe they should just leave it alone.
