From the moment I wake up, to the second I go to sleep, my thoughts never stop. I get up from my bed and rush to get ready for work and what always accompanies my journey through the day are my constant thoughts about everything and anything. They're about my body and my life and my fears and my worries and my dreams and my lies and my job and sometimes I really just want it to stop. Sometimes I just want it to be silent up there in that brain of mine.

Silence comes around very rarely, but when it does, I feel so grateful for it. I feel like I can rest my mind even if only for a moment.

I think about everything. I feel crazy for it sometimes, like there's something wrong with me because why can't my brain just shut up? Sometimes I really wish I had an on/off switch for my thoughts. People see that I think a lot, they see how much I stress over things that most people should not and do not worry about. They tell me not to worry so much of what other's think, but they will never get it. They won't understand that every step I take and every single thing I do is triggered by one wrong look from someone or from an embarrassing moment in my life. But many times, the over thinking and worrying isn't triggered by anything, its just always there. It is my friend and my enemy. It's why I'm so kind and respectful but also stand-offish when I feel any type of threat. When people tell me that I care too much or I overthink things, mostly it makes me upset but also it makes me want to laugh because they think it's something I don't already know. As if its something I don't deal with on a regular basis.

These thoughts can be so random and funny sometimes because I'll realize how unreasonable I'm being, worrying about something that doesn't even matter to most people but for some reason it matters to me. It could be a song I heard five years ago that I don't even like but it plays and plays in my head until I'm forced to love it. It could be something small that someone said to me back in middle school or something someone said to me yesterday that I repeat in my head over and over again simply trying to analyze what the hell it means and why my brain, why I, feel the need to hear it again. Many times I'll even start to think about how much I'm always overthinking. It is a constant and never ending cycle.

Overthinking is who I am. It is one of the reasons I may cry at night because I can't stop the thoughts from coming but it can also be one of the reasons that I smile because I come up with these unique ideas or topics when my thoughts are racing. At times, when the really bad thoughts come, I have to try my best to keep calm and allow them to leave on their own because no, I cant just stop thinking. When there is silence and no thoughts are there, I can rest because for goodness sake I don't have to go crazy worrying about one single thing. I take a breath and I enjoy those few moments of quiet. When the constant thoughts do come back, sometimes I freak out but mostly I accept them because they're familiar and they help get me through my day and they aren't going any where so I just accept them.

I accept them, I accept them, I accept them. I think about tomorrow and ten years ago and my grandpa and my boyfriend and my cat and ghosts and the future and my favorite song and what I want to accomplish and what I want to always remember but also what I want to completely forget. I think about when I tripped the other day and how I'm a failure and what I'm trying to do with my life. I think about death and love and everything. I think about everything. I overthink all the time, every day, pretty much every second, and it's become such a curse and a blessing in my life and even though many times I hate it entirely, I wouldn't, couldn't ever change it.