After everything that I have witnessed in my life, I find relationships to be very confusing. The emotions and feelings that come out of them are so mixed, it’s hard to keep the stability. What you think could be so right could end up so wrong, and the process to get where you want to be can be so convoluted. But at the end of the day– someway, somehow– it will end up being so worth it. One way or another, you will always end up coming out of it stronger.

When we find someone we truly care about and want to be with, we get so caught up and forget about everything else around us. It’s almost like only that person matters at that moment, as if your surroundings are a black out or a blur, per say. It feels good to be loved and to express love. I used to crave the feeling of butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw the person I liked or the exhilaration I used to feel every moment I knew I was going to be with him. The feeling of comfort and security from the person you have given your feelings to is truly alluring. The feeling of being happy when you’re in love is a beautiful, beautiful high; a feeling you never want to go away.

But I’ve come to accept that sometimes it is only temporary.

When you are with someone you care that deeply about, that person will bring out the best in you…but can bring out the worst as well. With love comes many more emotions: Jealousy, Anger, Insecurity and Sadness. Nowadays, I see my friends fight over petty things such as “adding or liking another girl or guy’s picture on social media.” Something that small can escalate so quickly, then that temporary high is over and it hurts. I can say that the one pain that aches the most is feeling your heart hurt. It destroys me emotionally. There’s no pain-killer in the world that can take that kind of suffering away, not even Vicodin. Learning to get through that pain makes you that much tougher. Every wound leaves a scar, whether it’s on your body or in your heart. Emotional scars stay with you for life and there is no hiding it because it becomes a part of who you are. But they always become a lesson learned for the future.

People cope with pain in different ways. People will do anything to get the feeling of pain away; whether it’s indulging in a bottle of Zinfandel at your favorite “Wine Wednesday” spot with your girlfriends, going for a morning beach walk, or even just letting out a good cry. Everyone has their own way of escaping. Mine is the boat and the ocean. Feeling the ocean breeze blowing wind through my hair and the salty kiss from the Atlantic Ocean puts a smile on my face, and for a second, my emotions are released and I don’t feel the pain. But that escape does not last forever and reality kicks back in.

So really, the one thing I have come to learn that truly matters, is you. The best way to really cope is to focus on yourself. Even after the crying, binge drinking and temporary escape, at the end of the day, the only person you can depend on is yourself.

Then there’s numbness, when you feel nothing at all. You’ve hurt so much for so long that you don’t feel anymore. That’s when you know it’s done. All the fighting, the screaming, the crying, you become tired. The care is gone because you find that you are done fighting for what isn’t there anymore.

It’s over.

After being in a relationship for four years, I realized I was over it when I stopped fighting; I stopped caring. I watch my friends fight and break up with their boyfriends that they thought they were going to be with for the rest of their lives and I see them struggle to get that high from love again, and I feel for them. When I see my close friends upset over a guy, I look at them and ask, “Is it worth it? Are you going to marry him?” When they finally think about it, and realize their answer is no… “No I don’t want to be with him for the rest of my life,” I help put into perspective, “Get out of it now then. Stop wasting your time, because there are so many other fish in the sea just waiting. The more time invested, the deeper you dig your own hole; start climbing out, it’stime.”

People are so desperate to find that feeling of love, to get that temporary high again. The feeling of resting your head on his chest, interlocking fingers, feeling his arms around you and my absolute favorite, the warm comforting feeling inside you when his lips gently kiss your forehead, it gives the deepest implication of love and trust. That moment that blurs the world and you just want to cherish every single second of it because you don’t know what the future holds. It’s a scary thought not knowing what’s going to happen next. But when you are in the state of a temporary high, it doesn’t matter. Yet at the same time, when you do have that feeling, you’ve officially given that person the power to control your emotions; be careful who you give your heart to because they have the power to scar you for life.

But then when I see people close to me find that right person, it warms my heart. As I still find the process of relationships to be confusing, at the end of the day it’s just another step in life. I’ve come to learn that you have to go through the hard relationships that don’t work out to get to the right one. Then you realize what you have and appreciate the good ones. So after all the mistakes that have been made and the pain that has been endured, you end up learning from it all and healing. Then when the next person comes along, you’ll know the red flags and the signs of who the toxic ones are. And when the right person comes along, the love will be beautiful and that temporary high won’t be so temporary anymore.