Over the summer my life went through a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. I had no friends at home and it just seemed like I was alone. It all started during school, I didn’t know how to deal with the overwhelming stress of finals and toxic friends. I had friends that I depended on, but they were selfish and I needed their support. Instead of focusing on the friends that were reliable and always there, I tried to get something intangible. This continued into the summer, and I tried connecting with someone, who wasn’t into me. I put a lot of effort in getting to know this person, and I didn’t have much confidence. I then had go onto a plane to go paint a mural in New York. The plane ride left me shook and I felt extremely weak. When we got to New York there was no cool air anywhere. Every breathe I took was a struggle. I loathed the fact that I had to go back on the plane. The place made me feel powerless like I had no control. I saw I had limits and I hated that. Thankfully we returned to North Carolina by train. A week later, I had a job. I thought I’d be able to take working as a stock associate, but it was to no avail. I thought with this role I'd feel like I was doing something beneficial with my life. I felt like everything I did wasn't really beneficial. The urgency to pick up items on time made my nerves stand on end. I couldn’t keep up with everything. I tried to get over my failures, but they built up and each day my mood got even worse. I didn't know what was happening with me.

I tried to find answers to why I was so miserable. I looked deep into my sadness and angst, yet all I found was more sadness. Then one day I broke down at work, and quit. I felt even worse because I couldn't even do this supposedly simple job. I hit rock bottom and shut myself off from my family and friends.

Overthinking paranoia and anxiety ensued and it was too much to handle. Thankfully, my parents saw the signs and reached out to me. We sat outside and my parents talked to me for hours about life and failure. I learned that Failure is a part of life and that I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I also learned that I have limits, but that doesn't mean that I can't overcome them. I felt a lot better after that, nut I still felt anxious from everything. I found that having something that was constant in my life kept me grounded. Every day I walked my dog next to the pond and communicated more with my family. It was very calming and at the end of summer I finally felt happy, but then school happened.

Everything was what I missed, but I was anxious because I just found happiness at home.

Eventually, it came to me one day. I found out when WOW was closed and so was Subway. Most of my plans were canceled and now none of my favorite food joints were open. I felt really bummed and I was mad at everyone and everything. I eventually decided to just eat at the cafeteria. I just ate and I was full. I talked to one of my friends who were also in the cafeteria and had a good time. That experience taught me something. If I keep moving and not letting mishaps get me down, then I will enjoy life. I will find happiness in everything.

I also watched this pastor online talk about relationships, but I applied his advice to my own life. Basically, what he said was to focus on the good things and choose what you magnify in life, so I decided to focus on the good things in life and magnify the joy in life.

I hope to continue to be positive and spread optimism as well as be open about my feelings to other people. Anxiety and depression are serious issues in today’s youth and I hope that everyone out there struggling has someone to open up to so they can figure things out. Sometimes the answers are muddled by self-doubt and lack of motivation, but through a strong foundation and a lit path through the darkness, anything is possible.