The unknown. L'inconnu. The things we don't know.
In some cases, we prefer that which is unknown. Horror movies are based on the very principle of not knowing what is coming next. It is the essence of suspense. There is a thrill that comes from the suspense we experience. In situations like these, the unknown is a preferred and desired convention.
But there are times that the unknown and our relationship with it are far from being desirable.
The unknown is a scary place to be. Whether it is mental, emotional, spiritual, or social, it is not an easy thing to grapple with. The unknown places us in an intellectual limbo of sorts. We fear to act. We fear to dream. We fear to hope, and yet, paradoxically, we fear to quit.
A close friend of mine is going through a very difficult patch in her life, after everything falling happily into place. She does not know what it will do to the people in her life, and this fear of not knowing has been causing her problems with eating and sleeping.
My family would say that I am afraid of the dark. I am not. I am afraid of what I don't know might be in it, beyond what I can see and hear. I fear that which I do not know. There are many other ambiguous "unknowns" I am grappling with right now, and what complicates the situation even further is that there is no answer for me right now, or I do not know how to find an answer. It is crippling. When the unknown permeates our interpersonal relationships, the fear of what might or might not happen can prohibit us from acting and interacting with others. It prevents us from reaching out to other people and forming connections with them, and we feel more alone than we did before we encountered the unknown. I believe we all search for some thread of a connection to remind us that our reality is not solely our own; that we are connected to other people; that our hopes, dreams, and desires are not shrouded in disillusionment; and that our deepest thoughts do indeed matter, even when never spoken. The ambiguity of the unknown causes us to fear the very things we hope for.
During my senior year of high school, when I was in Catholic school, there was a quote on the board of my theology professor's classroom. I cannot remember it word for word, but roughly, it read: The things we fear the most are the things we most desire. Now, when you place "the unknown" in that spot, it may not exactly make the most sense. What we desire most is not the unknown. We desire the journey to overcome that which we do not know. We desire the opportunity to try something, even in the face of opposition. We fear the unknown and we desire overcoming it. That is the most basic understanding of the concept. But, neither will those answers come easily, as most of the unknowns we face are questions. Questions about the future. Questions about our relationships. Questions about why things are the way they are. And more questions require more answers. And so the cycle continues.
I fear the unknown. Quite a bit, actually. Sometimes, when I want to just quit, so I don't have to face dealing with the unknowns in my life, there is a tiny voice of faith telling me to keep going. To keep pressing forward. To keep hoping. It is no easy thing to deal with, those things that we do not yet know, but we are closer to understanding them if we choose to accept that that fear exists. From there, we can work towards our goal:
The things we fear the most are the things we most desire.
