you look in the mirror
purple
swollen
tender
you reach for the bottom left cabinet
and it creaks louder than yesterday
the hollow space carries nothing besides your bundle of remedies
consisting of icepacks and color correcting concealer
but you're already prepared for the makeup to smudge later in the day,
for the bruise to peak through each follicle of powder
but you don't know why,
you keep falling into the same routine
of letting them give you another
and another
and
another
~~
you pour your orange juice
right after brushing your teeth,
but you're already prepared for the bitterness,
because at this point you're
indifferent
numb
nonchalant
you know that toothpaste is a surfactant,
that suppresses your sweet detective tongue receptors;
the sulfate in the toothpaste breaks down phospholipids,
increasing bitterness
but you don't know why,
you keep falling into the same routine
of drinking orange juice
right after toothpaste devours your receptors
you allow bitterness to overcome sweetness
every single
morning
~~
you slip in your earbuds
and queue their least favorite song
because it's your "favorite"
you turn up the volume,
the loudest it goes
and you tell yourself you feel
content
happy
free
but you already know that's a lie
because you trick yourself into thinking they're not on your mind anymore
but really
you just get good at turning them into different kinds of metaphors