The year 2015 is coming to a close, and with that, a lot of memories from the past year seem to float through my head. I look to who I was in January, who I became over the summer, and who I grew into as I began college. Within all three sectors of this short year of my life, I can find a person or people in each that I have wronged in some way. Whether I hurt them, angered them, upset, them, or ruined a friendship or two, I still acted out of character and reacted to different situations opposite the way I should have. To clear these up across the board, here is my open apology to anyone I may have wronged in 2015.
To Whom This May Concern:
Let me start out by saying this: I'm sorry.
It may be too late, too far gone, or just not worth it at this point, but it still matters to me that the words were read.
I play through the events of what happened over and over in my head again and again. I see what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, and how stupid I acted. That was not me. That was a spur of the moment, snap-decision that I realize now was ignorant. I showed a side of myself that I hoped would never come out.
And to you, I was an awful person, I did take into account your feelings or friendships that I could have crushed. I did not realize how far this could strain our relationship with each other, and I know I am at fault.
Keep in mind, this is a two-way street. I realize what I did was wrong, but I realize it is not all on me. We were not on the same page, were not seeing eye-to-eye, and did not know each other's full sides of the story. For the things I know I did, though, I am sorry.
"Sorry" is often thrown around like candy, fake and half-hearted. This, though, is not a fake apology, a half-hearted sorry strung out quickly as I run away. This is a cold, hard sorry from the bottom of my heart. It may not be said directly to each and every person, but that does not make it any less real.
2015 is closing out. A new year comes with new challenges, mistakes, and memories. I can not say I am perfect, and I know I will screw up again. All I can hope is that you are able to hold it in your heart to accept my apology, and to move to be civil or friends again, not letting this break anything we had. Everyone screws up, mistakes are inevitable, especially at such a crucial point in all our lives.
As we grow up, we mess up, and that's what makes life interesting: learning from those slip-ups, and figuring out how to get back on track.
Although these mistakes are evident, I do not regret what I did because all of this happened for a reason. I do, though, feel awful that I ever did that, and I am truly sorry.
The girl I was last year could never own up to her mistakes. She was always right, it was her way or the highway. In growth, I have found that to be absolutely unproductive. You can never move forward if you can not move on from what has happened. If you do not move forward, you will never be happy, you will only be stagnant. It may have taken a year or maybe a month to get to this place, but I am here, I am owning up to my mistakes, and I am sincerely saying sorry.
I hope you can remember the positives over the fall-outs, but either way, I hope you do well and things look up for you, too.
It is out with the bad and in with the good this year. I hope you can find the same acceptance to push you to move on from the bad as I have.
And with this, I move on and forward past the past and into the brightness ahead. I will not dread on the mistakes I have made this year, and I have accepted my mistakes.
Still once again:
I'm sorry. You deserved better.
Sincerely,
Me
