We've all had those instances in our lives where we met the perfect person. We were good together, we knew each other inside and out. We understood each together. And through a twist of fate, we ended it or we just drifted apart. Now there's some part of us that sometimes lingers to that part of our past just to remember "the good ole days". Well I too have had an experience such as this and when it ended, it was tragic for me. But I grew, and I hope you can learn from my experience as well.

Dear Woman,

There have been times throughout the past twice years in which something I saw, something someone said, or just the environment I was in, made me think of times with you. And they were happy moments, I smiled and laughed and then went about my business. Sure those moments also bring to light the moments I messed up and ruined everything but I roll with the punches. I’m only human, can’t be perfect in everything. When I look back on my life now to where I was two years ago, a lot has happened, a lot has changed.

I sometimes actually miss who I was as a person two years ago. My being, my character, my overall lookout on life, everything. I could have never foreseen that Renju becoming this Renju. But I am sure there was a purpose behind it. The universe brought us together for a reason. And again, it made me let you go for a reason. You were the only one I ever said the L-word to and I was an idiot to let you go. But I am sure it was something that needed to happen.

When everything fell apart, I didn’t know what to do, who to talk to, where to go. I was lost. I went to class mindlessly and did my everyday tasks accordingly. I was the typical rom-com heartbroken idiot. But when I realized I needed to do well in school for my co-op to flourish, I stepped my game up. I compartmentalized every emotion I had and put academia in full gear. I even was presented with an opportunity to get you but I chose not to. Not because I didn’t have feelings but I didn’t want you to be with someone who messes things up somehow or someway. I wanted you to be happy and well off and so I just let you go. And so I put on the mask of the bad guy and said things to you that night so you wouldn’t have feelings for me again. It was at this point where I told myself I wouldn’t let myself get into anymore relationships because I knew I only hurt those I care for. And so I blocked my life off from everyone. I made friends, I made really good friends, too. But I never let anyone in after her.

As my emotions turned off, my academics turned phenomenal. I got an offer for a position at one of the best investment firms in the world. But my drive didn’t stop there. I went back to school soon after co-op and continued my stride for excellence. I always kept my mind busy to keep it off of thinking about love and relationships and couples and holding hands, etc. Meanwhile most of my friends, if not all, found someone and soon I became the awkward wheel. But it didn’t faze me. Endless assignments, sleepless nights and hours of practice exams later, here I stand. I applied to full-time jobs and grad schools. And during that time, I didn't think I could amount to anything but what I was good at. But I strived. Not to out-rank anyone or just in spite to beat someone. But because I wanted myself to dream again, to achieve again. I wanted to push myself to better my being. I was blessed to have an education and support to endure in such a complex society. I realized I should not let anything or anyone stand in my way of aiming for greatness. And what do you know? An offer for the MBA program at Harvard University and an offer for the JD/MBA program at Yale University, two of the best schools in the world. I made that happen, I worked for it. Can’t determine if I will take the offers but I got there.

Now I don’t mean to say, “leaving you got me into those schools etc.” No, not at all. Two years ago I would never say I’m going to Harvard or Yale but then again two years ago I didn’t see myself in a life without you. Fate took us in different directions. I haven’t talked to you in a long time. I don’t know if you are or aren’t with someone, I don’t know where you are, and I don’t know where you are in life either. But I will say, during these two years of letting no one in and avoiding love and life, I did one constant thing. I prayed, for you, for your happiness. Never my future or well-being or health or school or anything. Just you, and it wasn’t because I had feelings or anything for you. My grandmother used to tell me growing up “if you ever become the reason for a woman’s tears, no God would ever forgive, no matter how many lifetimes you live”. I knew I was the reason for your tears and I’m okay being the bad guy and getting punished. But I couldn’t let you be sad and so I prayed for your happiness.

You got away and I was devastated. But I rose up again. I recreated myself. Yes, I sincerely miss the old Renju. But King Renju is now immortal. I became Student of the Year at Drexel, I made the Drexel Hall of Fame, and now two of the trinity want me. Now I don’t know if fate has love in store for me in the future, I don’t know if I’m supposed to have love in life. But I never stopped loving or caring for my friends and my close ones and making sure they’re all ok. So I say thank you to you, for leaving me to hopefully find a better man. I am no better man but I am a better me.

Yours Truly,

King Renju

To those out there who are struggling over a love lost, I leave you with this. Don't give up on love, don't give up on life, and most importantly, don't ever give up on yourself and what you're capable of.