Now that high school is behind me and I can look back and reflect, there are so many things I would change.
If only I knew then what I know now. If only I had known that what Sally says about Jane says more about Sally than it does Jane. If only I had known that someone else's view of me did not change my worth. High school was four years of pure hell for me. If I could go back and give myself advice, this is what I would say.
To the girl on the bathroom floor with tears in her eyes, you are enough. The number on a scale does not define you, it does not make you pretty, and it certainly does not make you any less of a human. You will not be remembered for the fact that you could see your ribs in your prom dress because you hadn't eaten in so long you can't remember the last time. You will be remembered for your genuine kindness, and how after the storm blows through, you're still standing. An eating disorder does not define you.
To the girl petrified to go to school because of the endless taunting, do not let it harden you. You will remember the things they say, even four years later. You will be able to quote them as if it had just been said, but do not let them bring you down to their level. Do not let them take away your passion for the very thing you've loved since you were a little girl. Dance anyway. Do not let them steal what you earned.
To the girl staring down a pill bottle, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do not do it. Believe me, it will create far more problems than it will solve. It won't work. You will wake up. You will be grateful you did. I promise that you have it in you to stand back up one more time. Rock bottom was the solid foundation that you needed to rebuild your life on.
To the girl laying in the hospital bed 100 miles from home, you are about to make the best and biggest decision of your life. It's going to be a decision you're going to have to continue to make every single day. You are going to choose to fight. You will get better. You will no longer cringe when you look in the mirror. you won't look like a ghost of a person anymore. You will not be a ghost of a person anymore. There will be life when you laugh. You will learn to love yourself again, and that's the most important lesson you will ever learn.
To the girl I used to be, I wish I could tell you that everything works out in the end but I can't. The mean girls are still mean, there's still no justice to what was done to you, but I can tell you that it's worth it.
You've figured it out. You walked and received your diploma and said goodbye to every problem that toxic place has ever given you. You even "graduated" from therapy! You will lose some people on the way. Let them go. I promise, you are worth it. Remember that.
