Hey you,

I just want to start this letter out by saying that I always hoped for you. I would see my friends with their brothers and I would be so insanely jealous. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed to have the amazing sister I've been blessed with, but I can't help but wonder what life would have been like. I'm not naive I thinking we would have been friends all the time, because that's just not realistic. But sometimes I think about how our relationship would have been like now. I like to think that we would be insanely close. I like to think that we would talk all the time and you would ask me for advice for the girls you liked, or what present to get other family members. I like to think that we'd be able to tease each other mercilessly, but never be offended by what the other is saying at the end of the day. I like to think we would have been protective of each other and of Kayla (sister). We could have played pranks on her and teased her because it's fun, and no one would know how to prank her better than us. We could have gotten into trouble together, and had each other's backs when we knew what was coming from Mom and Dad. You could have taught me how to wrestle, and how to understand boys better. You could have made me tougher by giving me the skills to be able to stick up for myself. I could have been insanely annoyed by you when you got overprotective of me and Kayla, and vice versa to you. I could have hit you on the head whenever you confessed something stupid you did, or when you would try to flirt with my friends. I know it wouldn't have always been "picture perfect", but it would've been real and it would have been fun.

Sometimes I try to find replacements for you. I do see a lot of guys like brothers, and no doubt you probably would have been right with all of them. But it isn't the same, because I don't have the memories of having to share toys, food, or my family with them. I don't have to think about how horrific the fights were with them, because they've never happened. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a brother with all the strings attached, good and bad.

I like to picture that even if we weren't extremely tight as kids, we would have grown into each other. Right now as I'm writing this, I can only picture all the conversations we would grow into. I can only think of how you would've brought even more life to the family, and helped Dad out when the stress of being around a female majority house would have helped him. I like to think that you and Kayla would have gotten along great as well, and had the same kind of experiences I dreamed for us. I also like to picture you as a major Momma's boy, because I know I would have teased you mercilessly for it.

I know you aren't a reality, but I just want you to know that you were hoped for. But everything happens (or doesn't) for a reason, so I've learned to accept it and let it go. Just know that you would have had a family who adored you and loved you, because in the end, the people we are blessed to have is the greatest reality of them all.