I’ll be the first to admit that Shonda Rhimes definitely has more of a hold on my life than is socially acceptable, so I would like to express some emotions I have been holding onto for a while. I have a feeling many other Shonda followers out there will be able to relate.

Dear Shonda,

I feel like we should be on a first name basis by now, what with all the emotional damage you have unapologetically inflicted upon me. First I would like to say that I don’t think I have ever had stronger feelings toward someone I have never met before, besides most of the fictional characters you have created, of course. I both admire you and hate you at the same time, something I did not think was possible.

At the end of your shows, your logo with the little roller coaster that says “Shonda Land” pops up and I had an epiphany about it the other day. Did you purposely choose a roller coaster for your logo to represent the non-stop emotional roller coaster that results from getting hooked on any one of your addictive series? Was that you subtly trying to warn us?

I feel like I need to thank you for creating all the characters I can’t help but be obsessed with. I mean, Olivia Pope is my idol, Annalise Keating is the reason I’m seriously considering switching my major to pre-law, and Meredith Grey and Derek Sheperd are my ultimate relationship goals. Well, I guess I should say they were. You know what, I think I’ll just go ahead and officially retract that thank you. Rest in peace, McDreamy.

You see, Shonda, the fact that I almost teared up thinking about the fictional death of a fictional character that happened months ago seriously worries me. Watching your shows makes me feel like I’m in an abusive relationship that I can’t get out of. It’s like everything is great one minute and then the next minute there’s a shooter in Seattle Grace, Olivia is being held hostage in a foreign country and God forbid who Bonny is going to kill next to protect Annalise. You have caused me serious emotional damage time and time again, yet I still lay in bed clicking next episode over and over again until I’m forced to start my homework at 1 a.m. with tears streaming down my face. I just can’t stop.

Even through everything you have put me through, I still admire your ability to create shows that are so good they make my GPA wish I didn’t have a Netflix account. I truly didn’t think I could find a show better than Grey’s, but then I started Scandal. Then I was thinking there is absolutely no way she can do it again, but then I started How to Get Away with Murder. And up until recently I was positive you had reached the peak of your career and there was just not room in my life for another one of your series, but then, of course, I saw the trailer for The Catch. Honestly, how do you do it? If you can ever afford to take time off from breaking hearts across the nation, please, I’m begging you, bestow some of your talent upon me. Or at least bestow some of your fortune because you have got to be pretty crazy rich by now, right?

There’s so much more I could say, but the newest episode of Grey’s is calling my name, so I’ll have to cut this short. We will always have a love/hate relationship, so just keep doing you, Shonda. Also maybe bring Derek back to life, but I don’t know, that’s just a suggestion. Really, though, please bring him back.

Sincerely,

Your Fans Everywhere