To my senior-year self,
It's October now, which means that you're probably in the midst of applying to colleges. I remember a year ago, being torn between two amazing schools, trying to decide if I wanted to apply Early Decision. I remember going to visit both of them and falling absolutely in love with both of them all over again. I remember looking at my list of schools on the common app, and thinking, I'm not good enough for this. I don't have enough schools on this list. I need more back-up options.
I remember wondering what would happen if I didn't get into any of them. I remember sitting on a specific campus and feeling myself slowly begin to feel at home, and then later, on the plane, realizing the stress of discovering my dream school, and not knowing I could gain acceptance. You were fumbling and nervous, unwilling to admit even to yourself that it was the perfect place for you. And three months later, when you finally admitted that you had loved it all along, I remember everyone telling you that you could never get in. That you were smart, but not smart enough.
But you didn't give up. You told yourself, time and time again, that it was the only school you wanted to go to, and that if it was right, you would get in. I remember writing the name of the school over and over in my notebooks, remember not being able to sleep at night because college was all I could think about, because I hated my fate being out of my control. Instead of enjoying the last year on that beautiful brink between childhood and maturity, I spent my entire senior year stressed over a single school, wondering what would happen if I didn't get in.
Which is why, when I got rejected, it felt like the world was ending. I had planned my entire future around the idea that I would spend the next four years at this school, and all of a sudden, my perfect and clear vision of my future came crashing down around me. I had held onto the mentality that if I couldn't go to this specific school, then I didn't want to go to college at all.
You picked a different school, and that's okay. And you know what the funny part is: you now take half your classes at the school you so desperately desired to go to, you eat in their dining halls, your degree has their name on it. And while you may not believe it now, the school you end up at will be even more perfect for you than the one you thought you wanted.
So stop stressing out over ACT scores and applications and interviews. Apply to the schools you'd like to attend, even if people tell you they're out of your reach (and you will get into some of the ones you never thought you could). Pick a crazy topic for your essay and write about something that matters to you. Apply ED if you really decide you love the school. Be honest about who you are, and don't feel like you have to put on an image for a school to like you. At the end of the day, test scores don't really matter; what a school wants to see is who you are as an individual and how you can contribute to the unique and dynamic structure a college community provides.
Forget about the applications for a little while. Forget about the dream school and the idea that your life will be ruined if you don't go to it. Focus on actually being present for the parts of high school that you will miss later on- because trust me, you will miss them (and this is coming from someone who counted down the days until graduation). Allow yourself a break; allow yourself a moment to remember that it's all going to be okay. And that even if college doesn't turn out to be the perfect dream you imagined that it would be, that's okay too.
But most of all, just try to enjoy it. Because before you know it, it'll be gone.
