Dear My Drug,
I choose you over all the other selections.
Over and over again, I came crawling back. Isn't that what you do when you're an addict? No matter how much harm you caused me, my heart, and mind, in the end it was you. I only wanted you. I tried other things but nothing gave me the satisfaction that you gave. The joy and happiness was like no other.
I've been addicted to you for a while now, and every time is the same. I let you in over and over again no matter the damage you cause be before. You would draw me in with empty promises and hope and dreams and then push me away like I was nothing. Time after time you have let me down and left me alone crying, broken. But I am an addict and you are my drug.It will always be you. Even when I have cleaned my system of you and moved on, it will always be you. You will always be the one I want in the middle of the night when I roll over and wake up. The one I want to tell my day to. The one whose arms I want around me holding me tight.
I think no matter how hard I try to rid you from my life, you come back because a part of you needs me like I need you. When I tell you to go and we both know I don't mean it, it still seems like forever that you are gone. While your gone I constantly have you on my mind, and every time I feel my phone go off my heart flutters hoping it is you and breaks when its not. All I want is to be good enough for you, even when you tell me it's not me. I feel as if you push me away only to pull me back in. But I am an addict and and you are my drug.
I would like to think I don't need you, that I just want you, but sometimes that line gets blurry and I can't tell the difference. The high I get when I'm with you is like no other. Nothing else matters because my whole undivided attention is on you. My tastes change to match yours so there is always something to talk about. Isn't that what a drug does, it takes over your life? You've already invaded my mind and my heart, so why not take over my life also? It is yours if you want it.
They say this is a phase, that I don't know what I want. But I am an addict and you are my drug. I know sweet drug at some point you will become a phase in my life and become a distant memory because like real drug you will do harm instead of pleasure. You will break me down until I am nothing and I don't want to be nothing. I don't want to be the girl who missed out on life because of her drug of choice. I don't want you to destroy me.
I cannot change you. I cannot change this. But I can change me and at some point I will not let you back in and I will not crawl back. As for now, the strength is not there, and all I want is you because i am an addict and you are my drug.
Maybe you are an addict too. Maybe you are addicted to causing pain. Causing me pain. Maybe we are all addicts, all addicted to some form of a drug. Getting some sort of high out of this life. My high just happens to be you.
Sincerely,
The Addict
