My dearest Grandma,

I can’t start off this letter the same way I would for any other grandma out there. You, along with 99.999999999 percent of all Greek grandmas, are among the most elite. As a woman of many trades, at times an overwhelming amount, there is nothing that you cannot do. Many Greek women can generally say that they have gone through the same situations that you have but, like always, you surpass them all. Even though seemingly all butterflies and dandelions, the other more insane side of you is one that shines through most times of the day. Your constant need to cook like you are about to feed an army, your random miracle cures that are somehow extremely useful, and your incessant need to use your outside voice in every time of the day can drive most grandchildren, like me, insane. I think it’s appropriate at this time to list my concerns about some of the things that drive me a little bit on the crazy.

1. Waking up at the crack of dawn.

Last time I checked, there is not a rooster on my roof waking me up at 6 a.m. to go and feed the chickens and water my plants. If I really felt that there was a need to live that lifestyle, I would run to Greece in a heartbeat to live that experience. Unfortunately, I live in America. There are no roosters. There is no livestock in my backyard. Let me sleep in peace, please.

2. Cooking as if it were for an entire army.

Your cooking is phenomenal. I live for your pastitsio and your dolmadakia, all the lamb I devour at every holiday. But, would it be all right if instead of seven trays of each we make maybe just one?

3. Having a cure for everything.

No, I am not talking about the stereotypical Windex-fixes-everything cure. Rather, it is the habitual cleanse that you make everyone that lives in our house perform in order to rid of any sign of the devil. Whether it is a small headache or the flu, your miracle concoctions prove to be beneficial even when we think they are beyond unappetizing. I’m genuinely surprised that you haven’t found a cure for cancer yet considering all the different things you already know how to fix.

4. Yelling at the TV…every day.

It is fantastic that you enjoy watching your daily news every five seconds of the day or the drama-filled "Brousko" at night. But, I am sure they can't hear you when you scream the things that they should be doing or what they did that is going to cause them to go to imaginary hell. My request is simple. Realize that they will never really hear what you have to say.

5. Talking only includes one volume: LOUD.

When you are talking to your friends on the phone, I promise that they are not just on the other side of the village. In fact, they are most likely thousands of miles away. So, screaming into the phone only deafens me more because chances are you have already lost your hearing. Friendly tip; leave your outside voice for outside.

6. Managing to live off practically nothing.

Totally understandable but not even seemingly close to being able to live like you. The way you don’t stop working from the morning, can live off $10 dollars and still manage to have food and dessert to feed an army, I'm surprised how you haven't already fixed the Greek debt crisis.

7. Just being you.

Above all, thank you for the endless amount of memories and laughter we have shared together. Without all your craziness I would not have the same experience that I have had up to this point. Your unique personality surpasses any other grandma that I will ever know. You are my grandma and for that I thank you. You are my big fat Greek grandma with your big fat Greek heart.

Your loving grandchild,

Kalliopi