It will be two years since we lost you this May, and those 2 years feel like a decade has gone by. 2 years without my very best friend who was my go to when I was in any sort of sticky situation (no wonder why I was known as the annoying little sister). 2 years of waking up every morning and realizing your not coming back at 3 or 4 AM. What I would do to hear those clunky steel toe boots of yours walking around our old house. 2 years of talking to you in the car on long rides back from school and hoping that your listening. 2 years of hoping that the strength you carried through your life can some how be reflected onto me. 2 years of wondering why this hurts so bad still. 2 years of wondering if I'm the only little sister that got left with so much pain when i lost my big brother.
There was nothing more comforting than knowing i had my big brother to protect me. You were like my life insurance because I knew that no matter what, nobody could harm me without going through the wrath of you. It was engraved in me since birth that if anyone hurt me they would have to answer to you. 911 wasn’t even the number I dialed if something went wrong, you were always my first go to. Car was making some funny noise, I immediately called you. Cops just pulled me over, I immediately called you. Passed my permit test, texted you in all caps. Got into nursing school, excitedly texted you.
Everyone knew you as the tough guy. You gave me the biggest gift anyone's ever gave me and that gift was confidence (even when you told me I was the uglier sibling). You did not care what anyone thought or said about you, mostly because I think they were a little scared to face angry you. I thought i had the rest of our lives to thank you for that and I’m sorry for not expressing how much I needed you. Every thing you did taught me to be a stronger person.
Im writing this letter because, i just wanted to thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me every wrestling move you knew when WWE was your holy grail. Thanks for letting me hang out with u while you played Nintendo or PS4 when we were little. Thanks for teaching me how to drive stick even when you came home tired from work (I still suck at it btw). Thanks for always taking the blame when dishes were piled up in the sink or food was left on the counter. Thanks for making it known in our town that nobody was gonna mess with me or else. Thanks for letting me tag along and try to keep up with you and your friends. Thank you for listening to my high school drama (even though you told me I was stupid for crying). Thanks for scaring any dude that brought up my name in front of you. Thank you for interrogating any male that came around me (you went a bit over board at times but... u meant well ). Thank you for teaching me i had worth. Thankyou for the motivation in sports, by always asking me why I wasn’t at practice on days off. You taught me to put my whole heart into everything i do in life. You taught me to never let fear come between you and your passions. You and dad taught me how to ride my first bike. You taught me what rotors and brake pads were (still a little fuzzy in my head tbh). You taught me family over everything.
Most importantly thank you for becoming my best friend when we got older. Thankyou for dealing with my attitude and difficult personality. Thank you for telling me to relax when I was freaking out over the simplest of things. Thank you for asking if I needed a ride to the gym and for going on 5k runs with me even when I could barely keep up with your sprinting pace. Thank you for telling me i made the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich (aka your way of getting me to make it). Thank you for blowing up my phone when you found out I was out at a party just to make sure I was safe. Thank you for making me promise you i'd never drink and drive and that I could call you no matter where i was or what time it was and you would come get me, no questions asked ( well maybe a few lol). Thanks for sometimes letting me party with you and letting me feel like i was wicked cool. Thanks for chasing me around the house when mom And dad weren’t home.
And lastly, thank you so much for the thousands of laughs, i'll never forget the sound of your laugh. ( especially the way you laughed at your own jokes ) I laughed more at the sound of your laugh and the face you made than I did at the jokes that you cracked (which were usually aimed at me.) You made me laugh so hard I would be rolling on the floor wheezing. You always have been and always will be my hero.
The fact is you were too strong to be here so God took you instead. I try to stay strong like you taught me. I try to hold back the waterworks when I see a picture or video of you. The hardest part of losing you was when life started to move forward. Having to realize that even i had to move forward and I had to learn how to live without calling, texting, talking, or joking with you. Having to realize that you won't be at my wedding or meet the guy I marry. Having to realize you won’t be there to watch me graduate college. Having to realize I’m all mom and dad have left. Understanding that my future children wont grow up knowing you but rather knowing the memory of you. Having to realize my future kids won’t have you as the fun, goofy uncle. That your not a text or call away anymore. That we won't be old together. That I have to face adult life all by myself. I miss you more than words can explain.
I try to tell myself that God must have had a very special job that he really really needed you for. I know you're watching over mom, dad, and I. I wish you could have stayed here with us. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much I loved you when you were here. I love you my angel. my big brother. my best friend. Party hard broski and save me a spot up there.
your annoying little sister