Abuela,
How are you? Its been three years since you went off to a better place. It’s still hard to believe that I have made it this far without you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I find myself thinking about you and missing every little that reminds me of you. I would miss seeing that wonderful smile of yours that would wrap me up in warmth. The smile that would make all my troubles go away because I knew that everything would be okay.
I miss walking into the kitchen with you in it making all my favorite foods. The sweet smells would fill the house and would make my mouth water. Now I miss those days because no one can cook the way that you did. Mom says I have your touch at cooking sometimes, but at times I don’t feel that I could ever compare you. I even wish that I had the time to sit with you and learn all the recipes so I could share them with my younger sisters. The day you passed away the recipes went away with you. Even though I have had tamales, gorditas, and menudo, my top favorite dishes, from many different people they can not compare to yours because there’s nothing like yours.
There are also days were I catch my self holding on to my necklace thinking of you and all the times would tell me the stories of you as a child or the stories of the times we went to Mexico together. I even miss hearing you call me your flaquita. You have been the only person who loved hearing that nickname from. Now when others say it well it just isn’t the same and at times I can’t stand it.
Did I mention that you also have two new grand children? Well, you do abuela and one of them reminds me so much of you. Dyana is her name she’s 3 now you know. The same way I had a connection with you growing up as a kid, well I feel that the same connection is with her. She’s growing up to such an amazing girl. She can be a handful at times but we wouldn’t have it any other way. Then there Mariana oh abuela, I wish you could just see her. She’s this big girl with huge eyes and has the same huge warm smile you had. Even though they wont get to see I know that there wont be a day that goes by where I would talk about you to them. I even know you can see us and watching all our crazy antics that we have done together.
Who would of thought, abuela, that you would have so many grandchildren that were all girls. I remember you always wanting a boy but you were just as happy as having Dyana around. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if you never left. Would I have been selfish for wanting to keep you here even though you were in so much pain? Maybe you could have gotten better and healthy but it was really never clear. If you were taken that day would you be have promised today?
I ask myself all these questions all the time. Sometimes I would stare up to the moon and beyond the stars asking what the future would of looked like if you never left my side. However, somewhere there through the night sky I hear a whisper that I almost feel as yours that puts me at ease once more. You are no longer in pain and I know it was your perfect time to leave. Yet, you didn’t leave with no trace no, you left us the most wonderful gift in the world that can never be replaced and I see a piece of you in her every time.
I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but if you can, thank you for all the lessons and stories that you taught. Thank you for the all the love you gave me even though there were days where you could barely stand the pain you were going through.
I love you and I miss you so much, but I know you are no longer suffering and are in a better place now. I’ve grown to be this wonderful woman that I know you would be so proud of. I will make sure to tell the girls about so you will never me forgotten.
Oh and I didn’t forget I never could because this made you so special.
Happy Birthday and a Merry Christmas!!!
Con mucho amor,
Tu Flaquita
Decemeber 25, 1959-July 25,2013
