Dear High School Boyfriend,

First off, I know what you’re probably thinking: why are you writing this? It’s been three years since we broke up, I thought that we agreed to act as if our relationship never existed… Move on. In response to that, I have moved on, and I’m trying to forget… I try to forget about you every day of my life. But, I can’t. I was an impressionable, young girl when we started dating… I was only 14! Back then I thought I was so ready to have a boyfriend, filled with so much excitement when you asked me out. To this day I can still remember the night of our first kiss, where we were, what I was wearing… The way it felt was almost as if a thousand fireworks were exploding inside of my heart… And compared to how much I loved you, I was not prepared for how much I was going to hate you.

I hated you for all the screaming matches, and for the one too many times you broke my heart. For knowing exactly how to manipulate me to do what you wanted… to take what you wanted from me. I hated how you would only touch me when you wanted more than just a kiss and after I complied would tell me to leave. I hated the way you made me feel helpless and vulnerable, making me think that you loved me, only to plunge a knife into my chest over and over and over again. And most of all, I hated you for getting me to do things I swore I’d never do… and now I forever have to reap the consequences of that.

So, high school boyfriend, this is my response to the last time we spoke… the reason I went to counseling… the reason I’m hoping you read this. Earlier this semester, I allowed myself to get back in contact with you, which was something I ended up regretting. The initial contact which was intended for closure turned into a rekindling and when it ended there was no closure, only more pain, and confusion. And after we agreed to not talk anymore, I found myself in a very dark place… one that was oh-too-familiar. I cried out for mercy to my Heavenly Father, something He graciously gave to me, and brought me to a place of healing, which is an ongoing process with an ending date I am unaware of at the moment.

The reason I’m writing you, high school boyfriend, is to extend that appeal of mercy and grace and forgiveness to you. Before you let me go that night we Skyped, I told you that I was in a hard place and with tears in your eyes you admitted that you were too. And after all those horrid things I said in the beginning of the letter, I do not want you to think that I was not hurt to see how much you have changed or that I am not eternally grateful for you putting me first in your decision to end our contact. I just want to let you know that you are not too far gone. That the Lord of grace is available to you, and desires a relationship with you. He loves you. I want you to know that I am constantly praying that you. He only wants what’s best for you… and I do too. I know you will probably ignore this, but I want you to know that this is coming from a place of sincerity… not arrogance.

In Christ I forgive you, in Christ I love you, and in Christ I also ask for forgiveness in return.

You are Always in my Prayers,

Your High School Girlfriend