There is no other way to start this off than that I simply miss you.
Your laugh is one that does not vanish. I see you in Mady everyday; she does not notice but I think everyone else does too. I want you to know that every time I ponder up a fond memory I tell her. I want to talk about you. I know you’ve passed but you deserve the attention. You deserve happiness associated with your name.
The point of this letter was to keep you at ease. Madison Jean Harding is one of the utmost important things to me and always will be even when we are not on the best of terms. Just as you are, she is a ball of light that you can’t help but look at. Anyone who crosses her path has been blessed.
As you already know, we are going off to college together. You and I both experienced the trials and successes of getting here. The sweet girl once told my parents she wanted to travel Arizona with a camera in one hand while running a pop-up cupcake shop. The girl can dream and she shoots far. I would have gone with her if she had asked. She still dreams. She dreams of climbing mountains in pursuit of an original tattooer, who literally takes an item, somewhat relative to a chisel, and hammers whatever you want into your skin. She's brave. She gets it from you.
I hope you know nothing made her happier than your gift to her on Christmas. She has no hesitation to go skydiving. I remember that one time we went indoor skydiving with Jim and Trey in Florida, her eyes were glazed over with excitement. You weren't there but she was a pro in comparison to me. We sat on these long wooden benches and watched the people from the lesson before us. Imagine the tube of chocolate from Willy Wonka that was always moving up, well that's what they were in. They were doing flips and rotating their bodies somewhat relative to a slow motion exorcism. One thing I took note of was when the people would get too high in the tube they would go into the fetal position which caused their body to fall back down. Once we got in there, she looked like she could jump out of an airplane. Now it was my turn. I stepped in, looked up and noticed a ginormous fan. It was about to be a scene out of the final destination. The trainer kept letting me go super high and, just as I saw the people prior to us, I tried to ball up. But this dummy had other plans. He grabbed my stomach and slung me into the wall. Super awkward. He asked me if I wanted to go a second time; it was a negative. Mady did, though.
I strongly believe once she turns 18, her whole world is going to change. She’s going to take control. Your passing has given her a sense of responsibility and has matured her more than you could imagine. She is still doing well in school and maybe even working more often on her free time. She probably already told you, but she got the cutest puppy, Jess, and you can tell she really loves her because she complains of doing laundry all the time but every time I see her she smells like Jess. Not in a bad way, though, it's sort of admirable.
I'm making her a mix cd with all of your favorite songs, or songs that remind us of memories together. Yes, Swagger Jagger is going to be at the top. No question. I miss sitting passenger side screaming Cher Lloyd at the top of our lungs while Mady and Austin sat in the back seat dreading every second, probably sticking their fingers in their ears. If anyone denies the fact that it was the most catchy song ever they’re getting cut off.
As summer quickly approaches, the dust is soon going to be blown off the canoes and kayaks tucked in the garage. Mady and I will attempt to strap them down to her jeep or a trailer we can get our hands on and take them for a spin. It won't be the same without you. The whole time we're going to make jokes about rocking the canoe and all the snakes that could be swimming in the water. I'll be sure to tie my top on super tight and pull the canoe over before anyone decides to switch places.
You taught me so much about life and love. Your love is unconditional and spreads from person to person. You taught me to smile no matter what I was going through. I aspire to have that type of influence upon everyone who I come in contact with. I aspire to share a fraction of the happiness you shared with me. I aspire to be the type of person you would expect of me. I aspire to take care of and love Mady just as you did. She's more than a best friend; she is a sister and we will continue to make you proud until we see you again. I promise. We won't disappoint you, we will hold each other's hand the whole way.
I love you Momma T.
