I miss you.

I know that you're in a better place now, or at least that's what I tell myself. But I'd like to believe that you're still here somehow. When a rainbow appears, or when a bird sings, when the sun finally peeks through the clouds. I like to think those little things are signs from you. Signs that you're watching over me. It might seem a little weird, but it brings me some kind of comfort. I just can’t accept that you’re completely gone. When it’s raining and I wish for it to stop and all of sudden it does, I think of you, and I smile.

I find myself forgetting, and I hate that. I can't quite remember how your voice sounds, or how my arms hugged you. If they could reach each other, or if I had to stand on my toes to hug you. I can’t remember how you smiled. Your real smile, the kind you got when someone said a joke or told a funny story. I don't remember the last thing I said to you, and that bothers me, a lot. I don’t want to forget because that makes it seem like you were just a dream. I’m sorry that I can’t remember these things because you deserve to have every little thing about you remembered. I remember the big stuff, though, the moments that made who I am today. The moments that you were a part of. I remember the advice you gave me and the stories you used to tell. I remember your laugh and your eyes and pray that I never forget those.

There’s so many moments that you’ve missed and that you’re going to miss. I think that’s so unfair. Not just to me, but to you too. I wanted you to be at my graduation. I want you to be able to see me get married and start a family. It sounds selfish, but I know that you’d want to see these things too. I know that my heart won’t be the only one aching when these days come and there’s an empty chair where you should be sitting.

You affected so many lives, and you still do. We all miss you so much. We talk about you and we smile because while you were here you made us laugh. For a while it hurt to get together without you, but we’re healing. We do things in honor of you, because we know that you’d want us to keep living our lives even though you’re gone.

I miss you, and I always will. I'll tell stories about you and make sure you're not forgotten. You had such an impact on me, and even if I can’t remember the sound of your voice I’ll always remember the things you said that made my heart sing.