An open letter to those affected by my anxiety
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

An open letter to those affected by my anxiety

Maybe one day, I'll be okay.

An open letter to those affected by my anxiety

I am sorry.

I am really sorry.

I am sorry I am worthless, and I am sorry I am not good enough.

As many times as I could say I am sorry, I want this one to go out to everyone that is affected by my anxiety.

I can't remember a time when I didn't have anxiety. I cant remember a time when I was normal, in fact I don't even know what normal is.

I don't know why or what I keep doing so very wrong, but everyone always seems to leave me eventually, and I have learned to just accept that, and accept the fact that I only have myself, which is a scary thought for someone who can't even trust their self.

When I refer to my anxiety though, I am not talking about the things that I am scared of or the tests that make me nervous, or any situations that make me nervous. I am not talking about the kind of anxiousness that basically everyone faces in their lifetime.

I am not talking about the anxiety that everyone seems to self diagnose themselves with these days.

I am talking about a medical diagnosis that affects every single aspect of my life in one way or another.

Maybe you've even noticed the random outbursts of crying, or the nail biting, and the canceling of plans last minute, maybe even noticed how I will do almost anything just to simply stay at home. Maybe you've seen me unable to do simple things alone in public places, such as simply ordering what I want to eat from a fast food restaurant.

I try my best to hide my struggles and to keep it all to myself, but I know that it is noticed, because it's such a task to hide.

Sometimes I do such a great job at hiding it, you may forget that it's even there, but other days, when the walls are caving in, it is very hard to hide.

To the very few people that have actually stayed by my side through my struggles thank you.

Even to those who promised that I would be the first person to walk out of the friendship, thank you for leaving me.

The purpose of this letter is for me to be fair to you, I want you to understand and get a feel for the battle that I put up everyday, just to simply get by.

I don't want to be looked down upon anymore when I have relapses, and maybe if people around me get a better feel for the struggle that anxiety truly is, then maybe less people will leave me, and by leave I mean cut off all contact and run as far away as they can because they are smart, normal people, and I am a reckless self destructive person, because I have an illness that causes me to do so.

Anxiety is like that moment your chair almost tips over, and you start to panic for a little bit, except it never stops.

Anxiety is like an ocean, and when it hits I won't lie, I struggle to keep my head above the water. Every thing, seems to be out of my control, and it is overwhelming, every breathe feels like I am just one breath away from drowning.

The words "calm down" in fact do not calm me down, they make the situation so much worse. Those words force me to struggle even more and it is like that water rises a little more, and I start drowning even more and more.

It should be obvious but please never forget that if I could simply just stop my anxiety, then I would have done so a very long time ago.

These emotions that I feel and these battles that I face are not some choice that I make, why would anyone want to make the choice of battling with this illness.

I am not a victim, but I am certainly not a willing participant.

I have invited you into my life, but please remember the damage that you do by cutting yourself completely off from me.

When I open up to you and say that I trust you, don't take that lightly, leaving is like destroying me, and if you don't want to be in my life any longer, be upfront about it, don't just walk out and leave no word on why, don't leave me feeling worthless.

I have invited you into my life, but please stop using phrases such as calm down, or any phrase that implies that I need to control my anxiety, because if I could control it, my battle would have been over long ago.

If I isolate myself from you, don't hesitate to reach out to me, I only isolated myself because my anxiety told me I am burdening you, and that I am bothering you and that you hate me, therefore I pull away.

I don't want to burden anyone, and feeling like I am annoying the people i care about the most, hurts more than you'll ever know.

Isolating myself because my anxiety talked me into it, does more harm to me than it does good.

Anxiety tells me that everyone hates me.

Anxiety tells me that I am worthless.

Anxiety tells me that I am a burden.

Anxiety tells me that I am annoying.

This list could go on for miles, but those small reminders that I am none of those things, really do mean the world.

Your actions and words can affect someones anxiety, just as much as my anxiety can affect you, it is an illness.

A true medical illness, not a self diagnosis.

When I tell you I have anxiety, don't take it lightly, and don't make me feel bad or out of control because I cannot control my struggles.

Sometimes, medicines, and therapy doesn't help, it only makes it worse.

Please don't be offended when I tell you that I don't want to talk about it.

Again, I am sorry for all of the trouble I have caused.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Is Meaningful Casual Sex A Paradox?

Why noncommittal sex is more complicated than we'd like to think.


I lost my virginity to a graduate student from Los Angeles. We’d met at a rundown cafe whose Yelp page complained of an alleged rat infestation. His name was Ken and he was 25. What drew me to him was the peculiar way his mouth was perpetually fixed into a sideways, half-moon shape that was like a smirk but without any trace of smugness. But the two most striking parts of Ken by far were the dinner plate roundness of his face and his small, expressionless teddy bear eyes. Of the things that mattered to him, there was his best friend, a college dropout who sold computer parts in Toronto, and sex.

Keep Reading... Show less

A Conversation About Sex

"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature." - Marilyn Monroe

Thinking Beyond Barriers

There it is. Even though I'm not around you, I can feel it. Was there a flutter of embarrassment in your mind when you saw the word sex in this article’s title? Did you look over your shoulder to ensure nobody was around before you began to read this?

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Signs You Are A True Cancer Of The Zodiac

Calling all babies born June 21st - July 22nd!

My Astral Life

I'm the first to admit that I am one of THOSE people who uses their zodiac sign as a description of themselves. I realize not everyone believes in astrology-related anything, and there are plenty of people who don't fit their signs. However, I'm one of the people who truly fits their sign to a tee. I'm a Cancer, a Crab, a Moon Child. It's currently our season fellow Crabs! So without further ado, here are all of the signs that you're a Cancer.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Blessing of Lacking Sex Appeal

To all the fellow non "it" girls out there


Lacking sex appeal is not a desirable thing. It makes you fee not ugly, but wrong. Not having charisma is not a life goal. It doesn't make you fee friendless, but isolated. Not being the "it" girl happens, and tonight (and every nigh prior to this)

Keep Reading... Show less

Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

It is truly the worst place to be

Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

Look. If you are anything like me, complaining about being single is such a hard thing to because you are genuinely happy for your friends, but as they continue to be happy in their relationships, the ever crushing weight of being the single friends can become overwhelming. For context, my primary friend group consists of four people. We are all roommates and it is a great time here. All three of my roommates have boyfriends/girlfriends, which makes our friend group of four quickly jump to seven, and it is wonderful! I love my roommates so much and I love their S.O's, but no matter how much I love them I always get extremely jealous and sad. The sad thing is that the only part that ever truly ends up bugging me is that since I am single, they are my go-to top priorities and it has been really hard to watch myself slip from the top of their go-to's to not being their go to when they feel the weight of the world. What makes it harder is that expressing that I feel alone and unwanted makes me sound jealous and like I don't want my friends to hangout with their people. I get it. I do. But there are just days I want to be someone's first pick and I'm not.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments