We’ve all at some point in our lives heard or spoken the words “it’s not you, it’s me.”
However your past relationship ended, whether it was in a dramatic, morbid, unforgettable (I could keep going with the adjectives) way, we all have that person from our past that completely destroyed us, broke us, crushed our heart with a bulldozer, made you feel like your chest was being stabbed with a thousand knives (Seriously, I could keep going).
Best sung by Kelly Clarkson, “because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in.” You were convinced that that person was your forever. You were going to be in love for the rest of your life, travel the world together, get married, and have a beautiful family. Almost sounds too perfect to be real (that’s because it is). You find yourself going through the seven stages of grief after the unexpected break up that turns into you thinking you’re going to never be happy again and die alone. I promise, we’ve all been there.
Heartbreak looks like death and feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest with swimming pools for eyes. From that moment on, anything remotely happy you shove away. You find every excuse in the world to say, “you’re not ready for a relationship” and you overanalyze every good person that walks into your life in a romantic way. Every time something goes wrong you blame the other person or your ex for “making you the way you are now.”
I’m going to be the first person to tell you to cut it out. Yes, your ex hurt you and yes it sucked in every way possible (there is no denying that), but that doesn’t give you the excuse to throw every opportunity for happiness in the garbage. Another hard realization is that your ex is off somewhere with some new relationship that they can’t help but share on Facebook because they had the balls to get over you before you got over them.
The chances with new people that you are failing to take because you’re “too damaged” are disappearing so fast that you’re not even noticing that they’re right under your nose. The idea of a new relationship terrifies you because that means letting someone new into your life to try and understand you. The other possibility is that you've met someone so perfect for you, but you just can't bring yourself to be with him because not being together is safer than trying to be together and having it fail. Just remember...
"A life without taking chances isn't much of a life at all."
So, stop complaining that you have no man in your life as you watch all the friends around you with boyfriends, but instead, be confident, be independent, and most importantly fight the urge to push away the good things out of fear and take that chance. That chance may very well turn into the thing that makes you forget you were ever hurt in the first place.
