They say respect is earned, not given. And I am a firm believer in that, regardless of who you might be or what your status is to me. I've always been taught to respect my elders, and all adults for that matter. But how can I respect someone who clearly has shown me no respect throughout my life?
We all have that ONE person (if it's family member) who we could never live up to their expectations, If its a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle or a brother or sister,... Someone who thinks that because we didn't do things a certain way, or believe what they believe that we are the "bad egg."
You know the one, the one who you dread seeing at family gatherings.The one who has been to every celebration, graduations, birthdays, holidays, baby showers except for yours.And if they did show up to yours, it meant more to you than they could ever understand. Because even though you dread seeing them, when they notice an accomplishment it means for once you don't feel like a total failure, and yet they always managed to say something in the end that made you question your success. Sometimes if they didnt come see you, they would call and check on you, or send you a birthday card in the mail...but one day it all just stopped.And you were left without any kind of closure wondering why you were not accepted, or good enough.
Here's the thing though, you are not a total failure. If that person shows up or not. If they call or not. Some people like to take in the glory, and the accomplishments of others but they won't be there for the bad. Do not allow that person to steal your light, when they were not available for the darkness. Or if they shamed you for being in the dark.
They often have others fooled, they act as a saint. As someone you should look up too, or always want on your side. And the think is you did, you wanted them on your side for so long that when you realized you could never "win" you simply gave up.
To that person in my life I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for making me have thicker skin. Thank you for helping me realize after all of the hurt, and the emotional distress of wondering why that it wasn't me who was wrong.
I don't hate you. A part of you will always be with me, but I will no longer be seeking your approval. I got where I am at without you. Mourning a person who is still alive is one of the most painful things someone can go through. But it makes us strong.
I don't think of you as often anymore. I have my priorities in order. And I will not allow you or anyone else to shame me. I will succeed. And I will do it proudly, and I hope that someday you can guinely be proud of me. But when that day comes, please don't write, don't post on my facebook wall, don't call me. That priveledge has been long gone for as long as your presence has been. But Thank you for pushing me to prove you wrong.I may never get the closure I deserved or expected, but that's okay. Because you will never get to be there for my success.
