An Open Letter To The Mother Who Left Me
Start writing a post

An Open Letter To The Mother Who Left Me

From the daughter left to deal with the carnage.

An Open Letter To The Mother Who Left Me
Performance iCreate

The first memory I have of my mom is her lying to me.

"I'll always be there," she said, with a voice coated in sugar and dripping with feigned innocence. "I'll do whatever I have to to see you."

The next weekend, she didn't show up to our weekly visit.

How do you explain to a child that one of their parents isn't around because they don't want to be?

This letter isn't about the drugs that were more important to you than your living, breathing daughter. This isn't about the addiction I wasn't enough for you to even attempt to overcome. This isn't about the lies, questions or hurt.

Every year, on my birthday, my one wish was that you'd come back, and every day I'd look at the same door. The one that I watched you walk out of. I wondered if I'd ever see you enter through it again. But you never did.

This is about you leaving me. I shouldn't have had to tell my dad about my first boyfriend, or consulted my friends' moms about, ahem, girl problems. I shouldn't have had to do my own makeup for prom and I shouldn't have had to stare at the ceiling countless nights wondering why I'm not enough for you. Was I too naughty as a toddler? Was I not funny enough? Did I not say "I love you" enough times?

For a long time, these questions haunted me. You wouldn't believe how detrimental it was to my self-esteem growing up. When I was in third grade, I made my dad Mother's Day gifts, because he filled the role of two parents while one was absent. I don't believe you understand the implications of your actions. I don't think you realize how much they impacted me. I wonder all the time if you ever go to bed missing me.

But, by the grace of God, my real mom came into my life just in time to show me that, while the world can be cruel, unconditional love is out there. My dad fought like hell to provide for me, and make up for the hole that you left. He did a damn good job of it, too. Those two, and the people who helped them along the way, are the reason I am who I am today.

It's been more than a decade since you didn't say goodbye. And, in that decade, instead of molding me into the woman I am, all you taught me is how to leave and who I don't want to be. Now that I'm successful and doing well, you should know it has nothing to do with you. I will never, not once, attribute anything to you. Not the success, not the failures. I was shaped by the people around me -- those who taught me how to be compassionate, how to love, how to fail and how to rebound from those failures.

I grew up before most people around me because I had to be strong, not only because I saw how cruel the world can be, but also how cruel home could be. And I'd be lying if I said I don't carry at least a little bit of hurt and animosity about the situation as a whole. I'd be lying if I said I cared about where you are and what you're doing now.

But, above all, I forgive you, in the hopes that you forgive yourself.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments