An Open Letter To The Mother Who Left Me

An Open Letter To The Mother Who Left Me

From the daughter left to deal with the carnage.
3327
views

The first memory I have of my mom is her lying to me.

"I'll always be there," she said, with a voice coated in sugar and dripping with feigned innocence. "I'll do whatever I have to to see you."

The next weekend, she didn't show up to our weekly visit.

How do you explain to a child that one of their parents isn't around because they don't want to be?

This letter isn't about the drugs that were more important to you than your living, breathing daughter. This isn't about the addiction I wasn't enough for you to even attempt to overcome. This isn't about the lies, questions or hurt.

Every year, on my birthday, my one wish was that you'd come back, and every day I'd look at the same door. The one that I watched you walk out of. I wondered if I'd ever see you enter through it again. But you never did.

This is about you leaving me. I shouldn't have had to tell my dad about my first boyfriend, or consulted my friends' moms about, ahem, girl problems. I shouldn't have had to do my own makeup for prom and I shouldn't have had to stare at the ceiling countless nights wondering why I'm not enough for you. Was I too naughty as a toddler? Was I not funny enough? Did I not say "I love you" enough times?

For a long time, these questions haunted me. You wouldn't believe how detrimental it was to my self-esteem growing up. When I was in third grade, I made my dad Mother's Day gifts, because he filled the role of two parents while one was absent. I don't believe you understand the implications of your actions. I don't think you realize how much they impacted me. I wonder all the time if you ever go to bed missing me.

But, by the grace of God, my real mom came into my life just in time to show me that, while the world can be cruel, unconditional love is out there. My dad fought like hell to provide for me, and make up for the hole that you left. He did a damn good job of it, too. Those two, and the people who helped them along the way, are the reason I am who I am today.

It's been more than a decade since you didn't say goodbye. And, in that decade, instead of molding me into the woman I am, all you taught me is how to leave and who I don't want to be. Now that I'm successful and doing well, you should know it has nothing to do with you. I will never, not once, attribute anything to you. Not the success, not the failures. I was shaped by the people around me -- those who taught me how to be compassionate, how to love, how to fail and how to rebound from those failures.

I grew up before most people around me because I had to be strong, not only because I saw how cruel the world can be, but also how cruel home could be. And I'd be lying if I said I don't carry at least a little bit of hurt and animosity about the situation as a whole. I'd be lying if I said I cared about where you are and what you're doing now.

But, above all, I forgive you, in the hopes that you forgive yourself.

Cover Image Credit: Performance iCreate

Popular Right Now

8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
50786
views

Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Giannis Antetokounmpo And Christian Yelich Have Put Milwaukee Back On The Map

Two small market teams making sure the world knows who they are

170
views

"MVP" is currently being chanted around the city of Milwaukee and the people of Milwaukee aren't just talking about one person. Giannis Antetokounmpo, a forward for the Milwaukee Bucks and Christian Yelich, an outfielder for the Milwaukee Brewers. Giannis is on the path to winning this year's NBA MVP and Yelich, who happened to win the NL MVP last year, is showing no doubts on potentially becoming this year's MVP as well.

Both the Bucks and the Brewers have struggled in the past few years. The Bucks finished their 2013-2014 season with a record of 15-67. On top of that, they have been playing in the BMO Harris Bradley Center for the past couple of decades. The Bradley Center was intentionally built for hockey and not basketball so attending games for the Bucks sometimes had you in the nosebleeds barely seeing what was going on on the court. The Bucks struggled after their 2013-2014 season with records of 41-41 (2014-2015) and 33-49 (2015-2016). Now, the Bucks have recently finished their regular season and moved to the playoffs. From 15-67 just five years ago, to now 60-22 which gave them the best record in the NBA, the number one seed in the East and home-court advantage, Giannis has proved himself as potentially one of the greatest players the NBA and the Bucks franchise will ever see.

The Bucks now have a new arena that opened this season, Fiserv Forum, which is built specifically for the Bucks (and Marquette) instead of hockey. Looking back on the Bucks in their previous years compared to now, the Bucks have sold out every single game this season. Something Milwaukee never thought they would see from being a small market team. From my experience, while working for the Bucks, you can see the difference in the crowd and feel their enthusiasm and excitement radiating off of the fans. And this is all thanks to Mr. Antetokounmpo who is making his mark here in Milwaukee. Giannis has won Eastern Conference Player of the Month for October/November, December, February and March/April and even earned his spot as Eastern Conference captain for the All-Star game this year. Giannis may be considered in his prime right now, but he is only 24-years-old which means he has plenty of time to only make himself better.

The Brewers had won the NL Central Divison back in 2011 but lost to the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Championship Series. After that, they struggled a bit and haven't won the title since until last year in 2018. He brought the Brewers to the NLCS last season, but unfortunately, they lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Yelich had 36 home runs last season and already has eight (as of 4/16/19) this season. He happens to be a great right fielder as well. In last night's (4/15/19) game against the Cardinals, Yelich alone scored three home runs.

Miller Park has been filling up more and more each game of Brewers fans. Being a small market team like their cross-city friends, the Bucks, bringing home an MVP title as well as a division title, it makes everyone aware of their greatness and dedication. The season may have just started back up again, but there is no doubt, if Yelich and his teammates keep playing like they are right now, they will have another shot of making it to the World Series.

Giannis Antetokounmpo and Christian Yelich have brought and will continue to bring excitement and greatness to Milwaukee which is something the city hasn't seen in a while. This era of sports will surely be remembered for a long time by the people of Milwaukee and Wisconsin.

Related Content

Facebook Comments