In a world of hook-ups, finding a meaningful relationship seems to be an impossible pursuit. Every text, every snapchat, every conversation that gives you a temporary high suddenly leads you into the bedroom at which point you begin questioning whether he saw you for you or as some prize to be won. Of course, his sweet words and undivided attention makes you feel special for that one night. You feel loved and valued. It’s definitely comforting to have someone right there.…until you realize that it is all a meaningless encounter. Unfortunately, for the majority of women, this warm, fuzzy feeling from last night turns into a bittersweet memory in the morning that leaves them feeling confused and even lonelier than before. Many women also feel “used” and regret the experience.
The ease with which a woman can take her clothes off and have sexual relationships certainly brings up an important topic that needs to be discussed. We live in a society that considers it normal for men to freely engage in casual sex while women are judged and even shamed for doing the same (the “walk of shame”, really?). People tend to forget that hooking up is a two-way street, a consensual decision for two people seeking some sort of intimacy. Assuming that she is looking to have fun in a healthy and responsible manner, why is it ever wrong for a girl to be comfortable with her own sexuality without having to compromise her self-worth? It’s her body, her decision. That being said, hook ups do have their consequences and may impact women more than they impact men. However, the “used” feeling that women get is not a result of doing something wrong or shameful. It is a natural response to being naked and vulnerable with someone and realizing that they have no interest or care in getting to know her any further. And in our generation, that type of non-committal, passionless relationship has become the ‘norm,’ right? It does make for good conversations with your friends at the dinner table. But whether you’re doing it for yourself or to fill a void, the ultimate question that you must answer for yourself is:
Was it worth it—do my actions reflect how I truly feel?
No matter how far you went or how intimate you got, one thing for sure is that you temporarily shared something special with that person. When this person pulls away and completely disappears, it hurts. This is not a sign of female weakness; it’s a sign that you’re human and that you recognize that you are worthy of commitment. When you send that cringeworthy text out asking if he wants to hang out again; you are not being desperate or needy. You are acting on your right to know where you stand and whether or not this person is even worth your time. Although this may be difficult and may even seem exhausting, just remember that you are not alone. Not only are you not alone, you are also better off moving on from this hookup to find someone who truly appreciates and respects you.
To all the women out there, you need to know that you are worthy and deserving of the sexual interactions and relationships that you both want and feel you deserve. You are fully capable of making those decisions. Don’t settle for anything less, but also respect your desires and do what feels right for you rather than what is considered ‘normal’ in society.
