Rape is extremely terrifying and might take some time to move on from, but that is possible. Despite popular theory, many rape survivors don't become hermits.
Now every rape/sexual assault is different, experiences vary and the healing processes are based on the person.
Many rape survivors, if not all, get placed under the sexually broken and completely unfixable stereotype.
She may want to have the 'rape talk' early, even as soon as the first date. That's okay. She knows it's going to be a lot to handle, an uphill battle but you need to remember she opens up when comfortable. Don't ask for more details when she's vague. Don't comment if she goes too far into detail. If you're looking for porn, visit pornhub. Her story is NOT something to be taken lightly. She opens up to people she feels deserves it. Or she just wants to see if you even deserve her time because lots of guys cannot handle the strain and work it takes.
It's important to understand that moving up to having sex will take some time. Don't get upset when she can't go further than kissing even on date six. Or when she clams up and starts panicking when she takes her bra off. Or how when you take off her panties, she crosses her legs, covers her face and blushes; just reassure her that it's her call. Help her remember she makes the final call when it comes to her body.
Please understand PTSD is real for rape survivors. She may have flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, crying spells or even times when she just needs the day alone. Know she's not trying to constantly be upset or purposefully bring it up. It's not her fault if she sees a blonde who resembles her attacker in the middle of your date night. Remember that the rape violated her body and her PTSD is violating her mind. She'll be happy as long as you never make her feel like a burden.
She may need extra attention or even less attention, accommodate that. Reassure her on low points and praise her when she needs it. Hold her when she's crying from a flashback/nightmare. Be there to listen when she just needs to talk. Or when she tells you important details. Don't leave her during a panic attack, wait for her to calm down. Or if she tells you to leave because the day as been one huge mess, stay close so you're in arm's reach. When you're having a terrible day and but she's depressed, don't get upset. Just like she won't get upset when you are depressed and her bad day goes on the back burner so she can console you.
Just remember, yes a relationship is two people and the spotlight should be shared. However, it's not always going to feel 50/50.
A relationship with a rape survivor is just like any other relationship but it just might take some special attention.
