Dear you,
The second your name crosses my mind, a plethora of mixed feelings race through my body. You were not the first to captivate my attention, and it is now clear you will not be the last. I went through every stage of grief the day you walked away from what could have been. Though I ached through this realization, I am not bitter towards how life took its course. I remain thankful for what you have given me in our short, yet valuable, amount of time together.
I had been broken for quite some time. I needed someone to come along and sweep up the rugged edges. You listened as words rolled off of my tongue. Your grasping hand led me to adventure. Your love for your family made me weak, as did your passion for everything you took part in. It was hard to not fall for the way your face scrunched up when you laughed, and your sleepy eyes in the morning. I could go on forever about the little things that meant so much.
As my interest grew deeper, so did my perplexity. I, a girl once numb to feeling, was drenched in overwhelming emotion. The walls I had built up for far too long collapsed as we shared more than secrets and time. There was an evident connection, one that made it OK to open the gates to my fragile heart. I learned the details of your past, longing to make it to your future. I feared a life without your comfort. I held on and you let go.
Though my friends prefer I flip you off, I want to thank you. You were the reason behind pure smiles. You were my shoving motivation. You restored faith back into me when nobody dared try to. And though it feels like I'll never care for another guy's well-being, happiness and future this much, you've given me hope -- if it happened once, it may happen again. You deserve this just as much. May you feel this strongly for another the way I felt for you, since I could not provide that. May your heart become as warm as your hypnotizing soul made mine.
Though we didn't date, our bond was very special. Though I wasn't enough for you, you were more than enough for me. Though we won't have a future, I'm honored to be a memory from your past. You were my greatest hello, my favorite "almost" and my hardest unofficial goodbye. I'm sorry for waiting until it was too late to tell you how I felt.
XO,
Your not-so-secret admirer
