To the girlfriend I used to be,

I look at myself in the mirror and see you. The one who stuck through a four-plus year relationship with someone that didn't treat her how she should be treated. But at the same time, I see the new form of myself that still has some elements of that old girlfriend, but who has also grown, transformed and matured into the girlfriend I currently am. A girlfriend who is loving, caring, supportive and trusting, who stands up for herself, who is not afraid to speak her mind, who knows when she is (or isn't) at fault and the girlfriend who knows how she should be treated.

I want to thank you for showing me what I needed to change, and just know that I understand why you were the way you were. The relationship you were in, as painful as it was, taught you things that you couldn't have learned otherwise. You loved hard, didn't give up, trusted your significant other and held onto this fairy-tale mentality that you wanted so badly. There is nothing wrong with that, believe me, the girlfriend I am now still is like that, but sometimes you were a doormat, you took things to heart that weren't your fault and you weren't true to yourself. But, you were young, naive and in love, and sometimes we do stupid things when we are in love. That doesn't mean we should accept how we should be treated, and though it took some time to remove yourself from that situation, you came out stronger, better and wiser.

You and I still share some of the same characteristics - being loving, caring, supportive and trusting - but at times, you acted like a doormat. Yes, every couple fights and gets into arguments, but you wouldn't stand up for yourself. Every hurtful thing that was said to you, you would take it without fighting back. You would say sorry for things that weren't your fault, you would take the blame and be so hard on yourself about every situation. You would be threatened to be broken up with during an argument, and you would beg him to stay. You were afraid to speak your mind because of the fear of him leaving. You were too trusting- you thought that he truly loved you and only wanted you- but yet when you found out he was being unfaithful, you stayed. You were too weak to leave, too insecure about yourself to realize that if someone truly loves you, they are going to love you unconditionally, be loyal to you and be honest with you. You didn't have the strength, the courage or the esteem to realize that that bad relationship wasn't love. You were blinded by the history that existed between him and you, the love you had for him and to be honest, you put all your eggs into his basket. You spent every second with him, and neglected your other friendships to the point where some people chose to no longer be your friend. You weren't being true to yourself whatsoever, you were too head-over-heels to realize that that you weren't in a healthy relationship, that wasn't unconditional love and that you weren't receiving the same amount of love and effort that you had been putting in. Sometimes I look back at you and think why? How could I have been like that and why did I not stand up for myself, speak my mind and know how I should be treated?

But you know, we live and we learn. I truly believe that God had a plan throughout that previous relationship which was to change you into the person I am today. You and the relationship I used to be in helped to shape me into who I am today. I kept the good characteristics of you, but I also decided to change the "negative" qualities to ones that were stronger and better, and I don't mean to be hard on you by using the word "negative," but those qualities didn't make you the strong woman your mother raised you to be. I no longer wanted to be the doormat, the completely submissive girlfriend, the one who blamed every fight, argument, and a mistake on herself. I wanted to be strong, to know when to stand-up for myself, to be more independent and to know how to be true to myself. I still love just as hard, care just as much and support my significant other everyday, but at the same time, I'm not afraid to speak my mind and standup for myself. The girlfriend I am today knows when mistakes are her own, and doesn't blame herself for the mistakes that aren't. I am slightly more independent in that I spend a lot of time with my significant other and I enjoy our time together, but I also spend time with my girlfriends and just take time to myself and that's completely okay. I am true to myself, and I am no longer afraid to speak my mind when I feel like something is wrong or when I am upset. I can honestly say that the girlfriend I am now is stronger than you were, and I am now in a healthy, happy relationship that helps me to be a better girlfriend everyday.

I just want you to know that, it's okay. It's okay that you were that way because in the end, sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes and the situations we are placed in to grow and mature into who we are meant to be. Though I changed those "negative" qualities about you, I understand why you were that way. You were fearful, you were in love and you just didn't know how to stand up for yourself and what you wanted. Whenever I look into the mirror now, I see the remaining parts of you and I am thankful for you still. Without you, I wouldn't have changed and wouldn't have left that relationship stronger than I thought or be where I am now. You are still a part of me, but I have decided to bury the not so strong parts of you. Ultimately, you will always be a part of me, but I am forever growing and changing as a girlfriend and one day that will make me into the wife I am meant to be.

xoxo,

The girlfriend I am today